Do you think it can be put to good use? Feeling this way? The cold swoop as all your internal organs seem to shrink and freeze. I doubt it can be... it would only produce self indulgeant twaddle like this. I hate the past. I hate some of the people in it. Id prefer it if they werent around to affect my present. These people taught me to hate hope. To despise it. Hope = pain. I dont want the past to wreck the present and future. Ah well. Goes to show that this shit still hurts. I think I came to the conclusion a long time ago that life = pain. So im still here - for a long time I wished I wasnt. Prayed for it, begged for it to end. Not for things Id done - but because of others. One of these I encountered again today - hence the present clenching of stomach, rising vitriol, the icy heat of hate - it burns warm and soothing - its pleasant to hate - but its shrouded in ice - I despise myself for wishing another harm - tho they would do the same for me without batting an eyelid. (even in my current clenched state that phrase amuses me) My hatred is cold and implacable - there is no excuse for them. One day I hope it wont matter. I hate that it matters now. It will fade again. It isnt ready to leave me yet. Its something that for now I will live with. I have people now im terrified that this post will hurt or worry. For that Im sorry. You have in turn kept me alive and helped me smile again - even now thru the tears of how much I love yas. Right - thats me exorcised a bit. So again. Dont worry - Ill be fine.
That she looks like an ugly drag queen doesnt even help that much - as remembering that makes me think of it all again - and thats not worth it - even for the split second of mirth it brings.
Thursday, 18 December 2008
Tuesday, 16 December 2008
No, Im not the Grinch
Im not. Honest.
I love Christmas - What it actually means rather than the modern secularised - Ill celebrate it and expect presents even though I redicule your beliefs - sort.
Im much more all encompassing in my way - not to say that I have it right and everyone else has it wrong - that would make me as hypocritical as most world religions.
Im happy that people get together and celebrate - If they are of different belief thats fine - Peace to all and I celebrate along with them on their holy days. Ah im rambling coz Im still pissy about a stupid 'news' article that was on the tv yesterday - where a woman was called 'RACIST' for having the outside of her house decorated for Christmas. There was so much wrong with the dullards complaint that it beggars belief. Religion ISNT Race. Nor are Snowmen and Candycanes technically symbols of any religion - never mind any race. Grr.
Theres ongoing tension in the house for some reason. Maybe Im generally pissy coz of the state of things. Still no work - Still people asking WHY I havent been able to find anything yet. Still people asking WHY I dont know what I want to do career wise.
Im dizzy. This does not help my mood. Everyone seems to be stressed with THE SEASON - which should be bollox - as all the tension and stress is self imposed or perceived -
Today we have had the debacle of the tree. I have always put the tree up, sorted the branches, then Mum does the baubles - as explained to Ducko this weekend - I may seem like a bauble fascist - but Iv got nothing on my Mum - Everything has to be symetrical - theres no point trying to help- she will complain and direct and eventually redo it when you arent looking. This has been discovered and learned over many years. I do the set up - the tinsel - she the baubles, then I do the lights. Sorted. For some bloody reason this just isnt seen as right this year. I maintain that my Mum needs to get her hearing checked. After having to repeat everything I say, eventually I get snappish in my repetition. Not right of me I know. I should just shout in the first place - but then I get yelled at for doing that too. Theres no point explaining to my Dad that when he comes to yell at me for apparently being HUFFY with my Mum - that he does the EXACT SAME FKN THING when he has to repeat himself time and time again. There is no point in starting this argument - He doesnt do that, He is convinced - It all becomes my fault again.
It becomes an excuse to have a go at me for all the grievances they have been storing up - I do nothing around the house. My room is always a mess. I contribute nothing. I dont talk to them and whenever I do Im in a huff and make them think its their fault. Im not making enough of an effort to find a job / do something with my life.
I know I sound like a whinging teenager here - I dont do much around the house - nothing infact. Occasionally cook a meal or wash up. My room IS always a mess. Coz thats just the way it is. I need to have another clear out of stuff. I contribute nothing - fair enough - I dont, what have I got to contribute? I dont talk to them. We dont talk in our house - we argue. Mostly goodnaturedly - but arguing nonetheless. Huffiness is brought on by this argumentative nature. I spend little time with them coz theres other stuff Id rather be doing. We dont like to watch the same things on tv etc etc.... ok this is turning into a huge whinge.
I need to be separate - its beyond time.
Il go downstairs and explain - loudly - but not loudly enough to be misconstrued as shouting - that I wasnt huffing when I REPEATED "Theres the tree done". Mum will get it. Dad will sit up in his computer room thinking badly of me. Theres no other way - this is how we work. I love them hugely - Its just spending time with them thats the problem.
Oh and my fone is fkd. It wont send messages. Im going to get coffee. and a Sarnie. And talk to my mum.
I love Christmas - What it actually means rather than the modern secularised - Ill celebrate it and expect presents even though I redicule your beliefs - sort.
Im much more all encompassing in my way - not to say that I have it right and everyone else has it wrong - that would make me as hypocritical as most world religions.
Im happy that people get together and celebrate - If they are of different belief thats fine - Peace to all and I celebrate along with them on their holy days. Ah im rambling coz Im still pissy about a stupid 'news' article that was on the tv yesterday - where a woman was called 'RACIST' for having the outside of her house decorated for Christmas. There was so much wrong with the dullards complaint that it beggars belief. Religion ISNT Race. Nor are Snowmen and Candycanes technically symbols of any religion - never mind any race. Grr.
Theres ongoing tension in the house for some reason. Maybe Im generally pissy coz of the state of things. Still no work - Still people asking WHY I havent been able to find anything yet. Still people asking WHY I dont know what I want to do career wise.
Im dizzy. This does not help my mood. Everyone seems to be stressed with THE SEASON - which should be bollox - as all the tension and stress is self imposed or perceived -
Today we have had the debacle of the tree. I have always put the tree up, sorted the branches, then Mum does the baubles - as explained to Ducko this weekend - I may seem like a bauble fascist - but Iv got nothing on my Mum - Everything has to be symetrical - theres no point trying to help- she will complain and direct and eventually redo it when you arent looking. This has been discovered and learned over many years. I do the set up - the tinsel - she the baubles, then I do the lights. Sorted. For some bloody reason this just isnt seen as right this year. I maintain that my Mum needs to get her hearing checked. After having to repeat everything I say, eventually I get snappish in my repetition. Not right of me I know. I should just shout in the first place - but then I get yelled at for doing that too. Theres no point explaining to my Dad that when he comes to yell at me for apparently being HUFFY with my Mum - that he does the EXACT SAME FKN THING when he has to repeat himself time and time again. There is no point in starting this argument - He doesnt do that, He is convinced - It all becomes my fault again.
It becomes an excuse to have a go at me for all the grievances they have been storing up - I do nothing around the house. My room is always a mess. I contribute nothing. I dont talk to them and whenever I do Im in a huff and make them think its their fault. Im not making enough of an effort to find a job / do something with my life.
I know I sound like a whinging teenager here - I dont do much around the house - nothing infact. Occasionally cook a meal or wash up. My room IS always a mess. Coz thats just the way it is. I need to have another clear out of stuff. I contribute nothing - fair enough - I dont, what have I got to contribute? I dont talk to them. We dont talk in our house - we argue. Mostly goodnaturedly - but arguing nonetheless. Huffiness is brought on by this argumentative nature. I spend little time with them coz theres other stuff Id rather be doing. We dont like to watch the same things on tv etc etc.... ok this is turning into a huge whinge.
I need to be separate - its beyond time.
Il go downstairs and explain - loudly - but not loudly enough to be misconstrued as shouting - that I wasnt huffing when I REPEATED "Theres the tree done". Mum will get it. Dad will sit up in his computer room thinking badly of me. Theres no other way - this is how we work. I love them hugely - Its just spending time with them thats the problem.
Oh and my fone is fkd. It wont send messages. Im going to get coffee. and a Sarnie. And talk to my mum.
Tuesday, 9 December 2008
c....o.....l....d.....
Ok... Iv just finished a giant mug of coffee so I better type this quick before I start to ice over again.
Stuff is... messy. I need to tidy before I can decorate my room for xmas. I need to find a place to put old uncomfortable chair - which is currently the residence of smallish pile-o-stuf TM in order to get the xmas stuff out of the cupboard. (many pairs of shoes and boots will fall out and land on my feet at this point - in shoekarmic payback for them being shoved in a cupboard and not worn very often) Then old uncomfortable chair needs to find a new home, as new comfy chair needs to be moved as thats where Mr Xmas tree goes... one problem i foresee - new comfy chair is huge. and space where old uncomfortable chair is.... isnt. i could leave it by the window - but then i wouldnt be able to get to the window for curtain opening/shutting rituals. Tho that might have to be the solution.
(icing over update - the feet are numb)
The Louis de Bernieres thingy was good - I called a complete stranger a genius when he knocked my glass of orange juice over. The drive down involved sutton bank - a 25% steepness series of hairpins - always great fun in the dark and the ice. He got a helluva noise out of a scooped out armadillo tho.
(icing over update - the hands have gone now)
Ive found some festive shaped cookie cutters!!! - They were hiding in the back of the kitchen cupboard. Im overly impressed as trying to buy such things was proving rediculously expensive and elusive.
Im dizzy - from making xmas presents and overdosing on suicide girls. Gotta love a Ducko who doesnt mind either.
wish the icing would hit the throat and ear - relatively sure somethings broken now. Swallowing hurts. Yawning hurts. I might put a hat on. There are several reasons for this. I might tell you later if you are lucky.
Stuff is... messy. I need to tidy before I can decorate my room for xmas. I need to find a place to put old uncomfortable chair - which is currently the residence of smallish pile-o-stuf TM in order to get the xmas stuff out of the cupboard. (many pairs of shoes and boots will fall out and land on my feet at this point - in shoekarmic payback for them being shoved in a cupboard and not worn very often) Then old uncomfortable chair needs to find a new home, as new comfy chair needs to be moved as thats where Mr Xmas tree goes... one problem i foresee - new comfy chair is huge. and space where old uncomfortable chair is.... isnt. i could leave it by the window - but then i wouldnt be able to get to the window for curtain opening/shutting rituals. Tho that might have to be the solution.
(icing over update - the feet are numb)
The Louis de Bernieres thingy was good - I called a complete stranger a genius when he knocked my glass of orange juice over. The drive down involved sutton bank - a 25% steepness series of hairpins - always great fun in the dark and the ice. He got a helluva noise out of a scooped out armadillo tho.
(icing over update - the hands have gone now)
Ive found some festive shaped cookie cutters!!! - They were hiding in the back of the kitchen cupboard. Im overly impressed as trying to buy such things was proving rediculously expensive and elusive.
Im dizzy - from making xmas presents and overdosing on suicide girls. Gotta love a Ducko who doesnt mind either.
wish the icing would hit the throat and ear - relatively sure somethings broken now. Swallowing hurts. Yawning hurts. I might put a hat on. There are several reasons for this. I might tell you later if you are lucky.
Friday, 5 December 2008
Sore ears
Ooooh I feel like a right whinge. But Im gonna say this anyway.
My ears hurt. Will get better in time Im told. Not much comfort at the moment. I NEED to find some anti dizzy tablets. I know where there are a couple - but not enough. KNEW I shoulda asked for more when the Dr told me the sore ears/throatyness would get better by itself. eventually.
Im going to hear Louis de Bernieres talk on sunday - apparently its in a little place in the middle of nowhere.
Time for some dizziness maths.
Middle of nowhere = Twisty roads
Twisty roads = Dizzy me
Darkness = Dizzy me
Twisty roads + Darkness = Dizzy me squared.
So - if i cant find any more meds this is gonna be a nightmare.
Aside from that its money and job worries as usual - exacerbated somewhat by impending xmas - making presents is however much fun.
and now a timely reminder
The beloved Ducko's book is out. ((*&...
ok il try that again
9987 - available from Tonto books online and preorder on Amazon!
It may be thought that Im just hawking this here coz its Duckos - Im not. Its an amazing book. Real - Disturbing - Funny - That and the cover will look great on your bookshelf when you arent re-reading it - even tho the Publishers wouldnt let him call it Lesbian Nurses....
Jumper is still itchy.
(and if this post looks odd - it wouldnt let me sort out the font sizing... if it looks ok - never mind)
My ears hurt. Will get better in time Im told. Not much comfort at the moment. I NEED to find some anti dizzy tablets. I know where there are a couple - but not enough. KNEW I shoulda asked for more when the Dr told me the sore ears/throatyness would get better by itself. eventually.
Im going to hear Louis de Bernieres talk on sunday - apparently its in a little place in the middle of nowhere.
Time for some dizziness maths.
Middle of nowhere = Twisty roads
Twisty roads = Dizzy me
Darkness = Dizzy me
Twisty roads + Darkness = Dizzy me squared.
So - if i cant find any more meds this is gonna be a nightmare.
Aside from that its money and job worries as usual - exacerbated somewhat by impending xmas - making presents is however much fun.
and now a timely reminder
The beloved Ducko's book is out. ((*&...
ok il try that again
9987 - available from Tonto books online and preorder on Amazon!
It may be thought that Im just hawking this here coz its Duckos - Im not. Its an amazing book. Real - Disturbing - Funny - That and the cover will look great on your bookshelf when you arent re-reading it - even tho the Publishers wouldnt let him call it Lesbian Nurses....
Jumper is still itchy.
(and if this post looks odd - it wouldnt let me sort out the font sizing... if it looks ok - never mind)
Monday, 1 December 2008
Interesting weekends and possible frostbite
Yes. twas an interesting weekend. Moving Ducko to his new abode. Yummy food and some kitchen disasters - which still tasted good. Burnt chocolate is tasty - who knew?
Then we went to a pub and met some Lamas. (These are pronounced Lahmey in a Bo Selecta Stylee.) The lamas were in a field by the pub, not drinking at the bar - which would have been better - and warmer too.
Anyway - I have a bizzare talent. Just the one? No, but its the one Im gonna tell you about here. I can scratch my throat with my tongue - oh yes. A handy skill indeed. Its great for when my throat itches - however - there is a downside. When my throat itches during the day I can scratch it and stop. No bother. When Im asleep however - different story entirely. So at this time of year - and in hayfever season - I wake up with a killer sore throat - having been scratching it all night in my sleep. Not fun. The same nerve thats in the throat is in the ear - so my ears hurt too - adding to the dizzyfun.
And its freezing. It was freezing over the weekend - frosty had been around several times, flocking the world with icyness. Thats marvellous. Today it rains. And hails. So now Im soggy and cold. I need gloves to type really but I cant find them. And I'll get told off if I put my hair dryer on to warm myself up - good argument for washing my hair really. At least then the miracle of the toasty warming device is legitimate. Ill go do that now.
Then we went to a pub and met some Lamas. (These are pronounced Lahmey in a Bo Selecta Stylee.) The lamas were in a field by the pub, not drinking at the bar - which would have been better - and warmer too.
Anyway - I have a bizzare talent. Just the one? No, but its the one Im gonna tell you about here. I can scratch my throat with my tongue - oh yes. A handy skill indeed. Its great for when my throat itches - however - there is a downside. When my throat itches during the day I can scratch it and stop. No bother. When Im asleep however - different story entirely. So at this time of year - and in hayfever season - I wake up with a killer sore throat - having been scratching it all night in my sleep. Not fun. The same nerve thats in the throat is in the ear - so my ears hurt too - adding to the dizzyfun.
And its freezing. It was freezing over the weekend - frosty had been around several times, flocking the world with icyness. Thats marvellous. Today it rains. And hails. So now Im soggy and cold. I need gloves to type really but I cant find them. And I'll get told off if I put my hair dryer on to warm myself up - good argument for washing my hair really. At least then the miracle of the toasty warming device is legitimate. Ill go do that now.
Thursday, 27 November 2008
On pride
Pride is a weird thing.
Sometimes I have it in myself - not often, but sometimes. Mostly it has been pointed out by other people - like the 'rents when I graduated this year after 8 years. 1 1/2 years normal the rest obscenely dizzy and rediculous. *bows* *bows*
Pride in my friends *passes around sick bags for those with dispositions like my own - im honestly not used to such saccharine revelations* is more normal. They have done amazing things.
A brief list would include : Thwarting unhelpful teachers and their criticisms to go on to being successful lawyers training for the Bar. Dropping out of school but now working on a PhD. Travelling to wartorn countries to work for the benefit of others. Following their dreams around the world. Being there for others even when it hurts themselves.
Today there is a new thing to be proud of. Ducko's book. Physical. Real. Able to give people papercuts and the shivvers. I have a copy. Im proud of his realisation of a dream. Im extra impressed that its creation involved a not inconsiderable amount of dressing gown wearing.
Big cheery grins to all those who deserve them.
p.s. When I get my pink hair back I'll be prouder than an entire bunch of lions with new bowties.
Sometimes I have it in myself - not often, but sometimes. Mostly it has been pointed out by other people - like the 'rents when I graduated this year after 8 years. 1 1/2 years normal the rest obscenely dizzy and rediculous. *bows* *bows*
Pride in my friends *passes around sick bags for those with dispositions like my own - im honestly not used to such saccharine revelations* is more normal. They have done amazing things.
A brief list would include : Thwarting unhelpful teachers and their criticisms to go on to being successful lawyers training for the Bar. Dropping out of school but now working on a PhD. Travelling to wartorn countries to work for the benefit of others. Following their dreams around the world. Being there for others even when it hurts themselves.
Today there is a new thing to be proud of. Ducko's book. Physical. Real. Able to give people papercuts and the shivvers. I have a copy. Im proud of his realisation of a dream. Im extra impressed that its creation involved a not inconsiderable amount of dressing gown wearing.
Big cheery grins to all those who deserve them.
p.s. When I get my pink hair back I'll be prouder than an entire bunch of lions with new bowties.
Monday, 24 November 2008
oh its so cold!!!
OOOOhhhh its COLD!
Today is monday. Mondays arent always good. They arent always bad.
Things that make mondays bad include : Getting HUGE phone bills. Sleet. Seemingly uncancellable contact lens deliverys (ok so I havent tried very hard to cancel them, but I will tomorrow.) Depressing job applications. Money worries. Dizziness.
Things that make mondays better include : Prospects of seeing Ducko. Potential use of free starbucks vouchers - tho due to sleet this will have to wait till tomorrow. The beautiful sky when its not sleeting. Chicken soup with added chillis. Chocolate orange.
Admittedly these things apply mostly to today. But could be relevant to all mondays everywhere.
Thats why there are Happy Mondays and Boom Town Rats.
Today is monday. Mondays arent always good. They arent always bad.
Things that make mondays bad include : Getting HUGE phone bills. Sleet. Seemingly uncancellable contact lens deliverys (ok so I havent tried very hard to cancel them, but I will tomorrow.) Depressing job applications. Money worries. Dizziness.
Things that make mondays better include : Prospects of seeing Ducko. Potential use of free starbucks vouchers - tho due to sleet this will have to wait till tomorrow. The beautiful sky when its not sleeting. Chicken soup with added chillis. Chocolate orange.
Admittedly these things apply mostly to today. But could be relevant to all mondays everywhere.
Thats why there are Happy Mondays and Boom Town Rats.
Thursday, 20 November 2008
Ways to start the day
There are of course many ways to start the day.
Heres a shortlist of those that came my way this morning alone.
*thought* Oh Im awake. Aaaahh warm and comfy.
*frowns*
*memory* Dream dreamed last night
*thought* Hmm that wasnt a pleasant dream. Having Gordon Ramsey yelling at you and threatening to cut your toes off for not having tidied your room and for being unpleasant to your mum Dame Helen Mirren isnt nice.
*thought* telly telly telly telly telly telly telly telly telly telly telly telly telly telly
*action* Turns TV on
*thought* Frasier's on... must be erm... earlyish o'clock.
*action* Turns phone on
*thought* will there be? will there be? will there be?
*action* Smiles
*action* Reads txt from Ducko
*action* Txts a response, then deletes following sudden bursts of fear about financial situation
*action* Worries about finances
*action* Gets up
*action* Turns radio on, bemoans the state of music today, goes to make coffee
*discovery* Theres nothing breakfasty to eat for breakfast
*action* Eats chocolate and orange minibites for breakfast with giant mug-o-coffee
*action* Smiles
Heres a shortlist of those that came my way this morning alone.
*thought* Oh Im awake. Aaaahh warm and comfy.
*frowns*
*memory* Dream dreamed last night
*thought* Hmm that wasnt a pleasant dream. Having Gordon Ramsey yelling at you and threatening to cut your toes off for not having tidied your room and for being unpleasant to your mum Dame Helen Mirren isnt nice.
*thought* telly telly telly telly telly telly telly telly telly telly telly telly telly telly
*action* Turns TV on
*thought* Frasier's on... must be erm... earlyish o'clock.
*action* Turns phone on
*thought* will there be? will there be? will there be?
*action* Smiles
*action* Reads txt from Ducko
*action* Txts a response, then deletes following sudden bursts of fear about financial situation
*action* Worries about finances
*action* Gets up
*action* Turns radio on, bemoans the state of music today, goes to make coffee
*discovery* Theres nothing breakfasty to eat for breakfast
*action* Eats chocolate and orange minibites for breakfast with giant mug-o-coffee
*action* Smiles
Tuesday, 18 November 2008
subsequently stolen off B's fabby blog Watching Geordie Life
Stolen from mysty twilight who I found through the blog widget.
If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now,(even if we don't speak often or ever) please post a comment with a COMPLETELY MADE UP AND FICTIONAL memory of you and me.It can be anything you want - good or bad - BUT IT HAS TO BE FAKE.
When you're finished, post this little paragraph in your blog and see what your friends come up with.
(go on. i DARES ya!)Cold
Its cold.
I could put another jumper on. But a blast of the toasty-warm device is much more appealing.
Weekend away with Ducko was
fun horribly early fun tiring expensive interesting sentimental amusing beautiful dizZifyinG cold monstermunchtastic exciting disturbing cheesecakey hilarious HOT infuriating suprising LOVELY
Now its back to the everyday - the applying for jobs when all the news shouts of companies downsizing and people being made redundant. Another interview with the jobcentre looms - I dont care anymore. Il take work - so long as the price isnt my integrity. The world has enough nastyness without me adding to it - except for my usual jibes at friends and loved ones. They know if I ever mean to be nasty I'll let them know in advance.
Ive helped another friend book in for a tattoo - shes having the numbing gel which I hadnt even heard of until the guy was nearly finished mine.
humph.
ah well, I'm tough. 7 tattoos in one sitting - no pain, no pretty birdies.
Also managed to come up with an idea for a way to solve the world economic crisis - cant say too much here - must talk to Mr Brown first - but I'll tell you this much.... it involves pretty shoes...
I could put another jumper on. But a blast of the toasty-warm device is much more appealing.
Weekend away with Ducko was
fun horribly early fun tiring expensive interesting sentimental amusing beautiful dizZifyinG cold monstermunchtastic exciting disturbing cheesecakey hilarious HOT infuriating suprising LOVELY
Now its back to the everyday - the applying for jobs when all the news shouts of companies downsizing and people being made redundant. Another interview with the jobcentre looms - I dont care anymore. Il take work - so long as the price isnt my integrity. The world has enough nastyness without me adding to it - except for my usual jibes at friends and loved ones. They know if I ever mean to be nasty I'll let them know in advance.
Ive helped another friend book in for a tattoo - shes having the numbing gel which I hadnt even heard of until the guy was nearly finished mine.
humph.
ah well, I'm tough. 7 tattoos in one sitting - no pain, no pretty birdies.
Also managed to come up with an idea for a way to solve the world economic crisis - cant say too much here - must talk to Mr Brown first - but I'll tell you this much.... it involves pretty shoes...
Friday, 14 November 2008
On excitement...
Yes.
Im excited.
And nervous.
And itchy - but thats wooly jumper related.
Im excited and nervy and bobbing about. I have to print out tickets. I have to get my passport. I have to empty my rucksack of its debris and fill it with exciting and useful stuff. I have decisions about shoes to make.
Im concerned about taking my eyebox on the plane. Are eyeboxes allowed? Do they have to be in special seethru bags? Ditto for perfume I suppose. Ah the added difficulties of not taking a bag other than a carry on. hehehe what a carry on. sorry.
Ipod is charging. Ipod has new stuff to listen to on it. Camera battery is charging... at least I assume that its charged when the light on the thingy goes out. Should charge my fone... but nah. (watch me regret that one)
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek and I still have to wait HOURS. tum te tum te tum... I know I have lots to do in the meantime.. theres a very exciting looking parcel that is begging to be opened... but nailvarnish must dry first... Its already getting dark, there is a beautiful sky out there. Dove grey, peach and blue. Hurry up Ducko... Im excited!!!
Im excited.
And nervous.
And itchy - but thats wooly jumper related.
Im excited and nervy and bobbing about. I have to print out tickets. I have to get my passport. I have to empty my rucksack of its debris and fill it with exciting and useful stuff. I have decisions about shoes to make.
Im concerned about taking my eyebox on the plane. Are eyeboxes allowed? Do they have to be in special seethru bags? Ditto for perfume I suppose. Ah the added difficulties of not taking a bag other than a carry on. hehehe what a carry on. sorry.
Ipod is charging. Ipod has new stuff to listen to on it. Camera battery is charging... at least I assume that its charged when the light on the thingy goes out. Should charge my fone... but nah. (watch me regret that one)
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek and I still have to wait HOURS. tum te tum te tum... I know I have lots to do in the meantime.. theres a very exciting looking parcel that is begging to be opened... but nailvarnish must dry first... Its already getting dark, there is a beautiful sky out there. Dove grey, peach and blue. Hurry up Ducko... Im excited!!!
Thursday, 13 November 2008
Drizzle, more fun to say than proper rain... but more annoying.
Yup. Its drizzling. How terribly English to start a blog with a weather report. Tho as I was recently pointing out to Ducko, talking about the weather is a delightful trait. Its not just that English people can only talk about the weather coz we are all terribly boring, its just a nice, open, inclusive way of starting a conversation with a stranger. To people who criticise the English for doing so I would like to ask, how do you strike up a conversation with someone you dont know? Jump in with a debate about Rachmaninov? The weather is something anyone can talk about, everyone can have an opinion about. Its a universal topic. Also, being England, the weather is generally a bit crappy, giving the people talking something to unite against, promoting a feeling of togetherness as we whinge about the rain again.
As for another recent debate, I asked Ducko one of my lifelong questions - Is fire alive? Now I know my opinion on this, I think it is. It adheres to all of the things necessary to be alive, spelled out in the acronym MRSGREN. My explaination of just why I was right about all this fell down a bit as I can now remember what very few of the letters stand for...
Bugger.
Perhaps...
Movement
Respiration
S
G
Reproduction
Excretion
Nutrition
Any biologists out there?
Apple Ogies for this being a bit of a rant... I blame the drizzle.
As for another recent debate, I asked Ducko one of my lifelong questions - Is fire alive? Now I know my opinion on this, I think it is. It adheres to all of the things necessary to be alive, spelled out in the acronym MRSGREN. My explaination of just why I was right about all this fell down a bit as I can now remember what very few of the letters stand for...
Bugger.
Perhaps...
Movement
Respiration
S
G
Reproduction
Excretion
Nutrition
Any biologists out there?
Apple Ogies for this being a bit of a rant... I blame the drizzle.
Tuesday, 11 November 2008
Sore feet...
Well... the initial dressing smart and use of bag that isnt rucksack went well, and a second interview was granted.
Second interview showed job to be sadly something I just dont want to do. Canvasing people for money in their homes, even for charity... just aint my bag baby.
So I bought stickychillichicken to make myself feel better. Time is the best healer for sore feet tho, canvasing involves a lot of walking. In smart shoes this = sore tootsies.
The 'rents agree I made the right decision in saying I didnt want the job. If Im going to be soulless and evil I really dont want to have to do so much walking in smart shoes for it.
For some reason my room is freezing. Id curl up by the radiator in my comfy chair and read my book, but Pile-O-Stuff (TM) has reincarnated on the chair.
Dr Ducko is maintaining loveliness levels. Of this I am more than pleased.
Ooooh! I just remembered I bought chocolate... excellent. That makes searching for work again slightly more bearable. Wouldnt it be lovely if someone would pay me to sit about making sarky comments? Id be good at that. And now I have smart trousers I could do it in. And I could wear my uncomfortablest and therefore most beautiful shoes...
Anyone hiring?
Anyone?
Second interview showed job to be sadly something I just dont want to do. Canvasing people for money in their homes, even for charity... just aint my bag baby.
So I bought stickychillichicken to make myself feel better. Time is the best healer for sore feet tho, canvasing involves a lot of walking. In smart shoes this = sore tootsies.
The 'rents agree I made the right decision in saying I didnt want the job. If Im going to be soulless and evil I really dont want to have to do so much walking in smart shoes for it.
For some reason my room is freezing. Id curl up by the radiator in my comfy chair and read my book, but Pile-O-Stuff (TM) has reincarnated on the chair.
Dr Ducko is maintaining loveliness levels. Of this I am more than pleased.
Ooooh! I just remembered I bought chocolate... excellent. That makes searching for work again slightly more bearable. Wouldnt it be lovely if someone would pay me to sit about making sarky comments? Id be good at that. And now I have smart trousers I could do it in. And I could wear my uncomfortablest and therefore most beautiful shoes...
Anyone hiring?
Anyone?
Friday, 7 November 2008
Wastes of time
Once again I am reminded of the futility of organisation and tidying. For the third week in a row, someones ill and plans have been cancelled. A welcome reprieve for some, a big ole waste of time for others. Admittedly, my room was a tip. And Pile-O-Stuff (TM) was getting out of hand. But since brother+lovely wife were coming to stay, I actually got around to removing one of the mattresses from BottomBunk - no easy task - as Pile-O-Stuff (TM) has a cousin, BottomBunkBottomlessPit-O-Junk (TM) and it lives there. It has squatter's rights its been there so long.
So Ive made a huge mess of temporarily tidy floor by sliding a mattress out Jenga stylee - knocking a fair amount of BottomBunkBottomlessPit-O-Junk (TM) off in the process. Mattress then knocked a picture off a wall, and washing off hangers, and the doorknob off the bathroom cupboard. The bathroom was the only open space of floor available for hoovering of Mattress. Floor gets partially tidied as larger bits of BottomBunkBottomlessPit-O-Junk (TM) were thrown back onto remaining mattress.
Phone rings.
They arent coming. humph. Now Im faced with having to put Mattress back - an even bigger job than removing it in the first place. Unless Im VERY clever. And VERY careful, It may just be possible to slide it underneath the one already on there - avoiding tipping BottomBunkBottomlessPit-O-Junk (TM) back onto the floor.
Ah well. At least I get to wear new dress tonight - a dress inadvisable for wearing when eating with family, and not just coz it will show off new tattoos, which by now are all lovely and healed.
That and the gypsy cremes made for people coming can now be munched at any time!
So Ive made a huge mess of temporarily tidy floor by sliding a mattress out Jenga stylee - knocking a fair amount of BottomBunkBottomlessPit-O-Junk (TM) off in the process. Mattress then knocked a picture off a wall, and washing off hangers, and the doorknob off the bathroom cupboard. The bathroom was the only open space of floor available for hoovering of Mattress. Floor gets partially tidied as larger bits of BottomBunkBottomlessPit-O-Junk (TM) were thrown back onto remaining mattress.
Phone rings.
They arent coming. humph. Now Im faced with having to put Mattress back - an even bigger job than removing it in the first place. Unless Im VERY clever. And VERY careful, It may just be possible to slide it underneath the one already on there - avoiding tipping BottomBunkBottomlessPit-O-Junk (TM) back onto the floor.
Ah well. At least I get to wear new dress tonight - a dress inadvisable for wearing when eating with family, and not just coz it will show off new tattoos, which by now are all lovely and healed.
That and the gypsy cremes made for people coming can now be munched at any time!
Thursday, 6 November 2008
Tidyness and Pile-O-Stuff (TM)
Spent several hours today tidying. And as yet nothing is tidy. A binbag of clothes and bags has gone to charity... another binbag of rubbish awaits the binmen, carrier bag of magazines and another of cans and bottles awaits the recyclymen. There are now patches of visible carpet - where the invisible carpet is is anyones guess. I have even tidied out some drawers that havent been opened since the last time I tidied them out about a year ago.
The Pile-O-Stuff (TM) residing in the wardrobe since the arrival of comfy chair a few months back has been sorted out. Pile-O-Stuff (TM) had been living on old uncomfy chair, and instead of actually tidying I did the usual of punching and kicking Pile-O-Stuff (TM) till it stayed in the wardrobe as long as something relatively substantial was holding the door closed.
Things found in Pile-O-Stuff (TM)
# Xmas presents from last year, bought for people and forgotten about so they got something else...
# Xmas presents for this year - astoundingly great stuff I thought Id lost and would have to re-buy...
# Bags of wool and material offcuts - but not the half finished knitted blanket or quilt...
# Lots of pairs of tights...
# Glow in the dark spider confetti...
Going to watch fireworks for Guy Fawkes day was great - even though I didnt get soup. Being distracted by Dr Ducko I did miss a fair bit of the pretty lights, but the distraction made up for that. As did Captain Boring who someone had employed to MC the event, as the final banger went off,
"Well, thats it."
The Pile-O-Stuff (TM) residing in the wardrobe since the arrival of comfy chair a few months back has been sorted out. Pile-O-Stuff (TM) had been living on old uncomfy chair, and instead of actually tidying I did the usual of punching and kicking Pile-O-Stuff (TM) till it stayed in the wardrobe as long as something relatively substantial was holding the door closed.
Things found in Pile-O-Stuff (TM)
# Xmas presents from last year, bought for people and forgotten about so they got something else...
# Xmas presents for this year - astoundingly great stuff I thought Id lost and would have to re-buy...
# Bags of wool and material offcuts - but not the half finished knitted blanket or quilt...
# Lots of pairs of tights...
# Glow in the dark spider confetti...
Going to watch fireworks for Guy Fawkes day was great - even though I didnt get soup. Being distracted by Dr Ducko I did miss a fair bit of the pretty lights, but the distraction made up for that. As did Captain Boring who someone had employed to MC the event, as the final banger went off,
"Well, thats it."
Tuesday, 4 November 2008
By the Power of Greyskull!!!
No idea why. Never really liked He-Man, just enjoyed saying the name of one of his enemies over and over and over... Mantenna Mantenna Mantenna...
Welcome to the randomness of my Tuesday.
Today I have mostly been dicovering amazing necklaces that I NEED (they look just like party rings), sitting around waiting to be nice to people who didnt seem to want anyone to be nice afterall, and getting the monkies scared out of me, firstly by an unexpectedly noisy printer - it in itself was not unexpectedly noisy - just its not normally noisy at the time it decided to be. I jumped and ghost fought it for a few seconds before the surrounding giggles of others made me stop.
Secondly by a phonecall. Most unexpected. Could be good things. I could even have to wear my smart shoes and carry a bag that isnt my rucksack.
::note to self ::
Learn to walk in smart shoes without getting blisters.
Buy tights that arent stripy.
Find things to carry in bag that isnt rucksack.
Remember to check that all tags are gone from bag that isnt rucksack.
Remember to check all stickers are gone from smart shoes.
Find a geek who knows morse code to decipher if the Stig was listening to anything in particular on Sundays TopGear.
Finished reading Black Boxes by the marvellous Caroline today. My review here must be short as the timer has just gone off on my tea. In short, Loved it.
Welcome to the randomness of my Tuesday.
Today I have mostly been dicovering amazing necklaces that I NEED (they look just like party rings), sitting around waiting to be nice to people who didnt seem to want anyone to be nice afterall, and getting the monkies scared out of me, firstly by an unexpectedly noisy printer - it in itself was not unexpectedly noisy - just its not normally noisy at the time it decided to be. I jumped and ghost fought it for a few seconds before the surrounding giggles of others made me stop.
Secondly by a phonecall. Most unexpected. Could be good things. I could even have to wear my smart shoes and carry a bag that isnt my rucksack.
::note to self ::
Learn to walk in smart shoes without getting blisters.
Buy tights that arent stripy.
Find things to carry in bag that isnt rucksack.
Remember to check that all tags are gone from bag that isnt rucksack.
Remember to check all stickers are gone from smart shoes.
Find a geek who knows morse code to decipher if the Stig was listening to anything in particular on Sundays TopGear.
Finished reading Black Boxes by the marvellous Caroline today. My review here must be short as the timer has just gone off on my tea. In short, Loved it.
Sunday, 2 November 2008
Excitement, waiting, worrying and general idiocy
Excitement, yes there is excitement today. Tis the last race of the season, and Hamilton might just win the title... Poor old Coulthard tho, last race and out on the first corner. People seem to have no luck in their last gp's - for geeky reference see Jean Alesi. Hmm I didnt even mean to think about those who died racing - obviously their last races ended not to plan. Also other excitement about a duck - but thats just for me.
The waiting involves the duck also. Waiting for Ducko.
Worrying - yes, theres that too. Am I really well? Was that sarnie for lunch a good idea? Shouldnt I really just crawl back into bed for a few more days to make sure? Its nice and warm in there... well not that warm - as the toastie warming device had to be called into operation last night when it became clear that three hours of shivvering just wasnt doing the trick.
As for the general idiocy - it may be expected that after mistaking the blue and white tube of writing icing on my desk for the tube of savlon for tattoo protection last night I would have moved one of them. A normal person would. A normal person wouldnt keep two such similar tubes next to each other. Je suis une idiot! (its also been a long time since I studied French)
The waiting involves the duck also. Waiting for Ducko.
Worrying - yes, theres that too. Am I really well? Was that sarnie for lunch a good idea? Shouldnt I really just crawl back into bed for a few more days to make sure? Its nice and warm in there... well not that warm - as the toastie warming device had to be called into operation last night when it became clear that three hours of shivvering just wasnt doing the trick.
As for the general idiocy - it may be expected that after mistaking the blue and white tube of writing icing on my desk for the tube of savlon for tattoo protection last night I would have moved one of them. A normal person would. A normal person wouldnt keep two such similar tubes next to each other. Je suis une idiot! (its also been a long time since I studied French)
Saturday, 1 November 2008
Birthdays
Birthdays eh? Supposed to be fun filled days with games, enjoyment and tasty food... Not for me, not this year at least. Some evil bug or food found its way to me and decided to ruin my birthday.
Perhaps nothing in life is as surreal as having parents seranade you with 'happy birthday' as you stagger back to bed from the bathroom at 3am...
Its always annoying that everyone gets to party on halloween - much worse that my plans were cancelled to lie shivvery and achey and now I get to browse pictures of friends at their halloween festivities.
Major plans for today also had to be cancelled - a chairidee event involving a zipslide - didnt think it would be a good idea should the attacks of yesterday return. Not a pleasant mental image. Sorry. Had I any guts left I'd be gutted that I didnt get to do it.
So instead of scoffing cake and chocolate and more cake... I was sipping at diluted lucozade and fantasising about eating wedges of apple.
Today is toast. The apple cravings have passed. I dont really want toast, but its what there is.
The 'rents have eaten my birthday cake.
Perhaps nothing in life is as surreal as having parents seranade you with 'happy birthday' as you stagger back to bed from the bathroom at 3am...
Its always annoying that everyone gets to party on halloween - much worse that my plans were cancelled to lie shivvery and achey and now I get to browse pictures of friends at their halloween festivities.
Major plans for today also had to be cancelled - a chairidee event involving a zipslide - didnt think it would be a good idea should the attacks of yesterday return. Not a pleasant mental image. Sorry. Had I any guts left I'd be gutted that I didnt get to do it.
So instead of scoffing cake and chocolate and more cake... I was sipping at diluted lucozade and fantasising about eating wedges of apple.
Today is toast. The apple cravings have passed. I dont really want toast, but its what there is.
The 'rents have eaten my birthday cake.
Thursday, 30 October 2008
Productivity
Eating a ham and cheese sarnie and drinking a beer counts as productive right?
Im under Dr's orders not to scratch at my tattoos - not a real doctor - not yet anyway - so im only half taking the advice, not scratching so much as accidentally walking backwards into stuff that might hit an itchy bit.
Am also pleased today to find an unviewed episode of scrooobs - finally explaining all the bits that appear later in clip shows that I'd never actually seen in any of the series. As said episode is mid way through season one, its a pretty impressive display of my ineptitude.
And theres no red liquorice left. must buy more.
... well... i have tidying to avoid doing... and clothes to not get around to picking out for tomorrow... and baking to do... and red liquorice to buy...
Im under Dr's orders not to scratch at my tattoos - not a real doctor - not yet anyway - so im only half taking the advice, not scratching so much as accidentally walking backwards into stuff that might hit an itchy bit.
Am also pleased today to find an unviewed episode of scrooobs - finally explaining all the bits that appear later in clip shows that I'd never actually seen in any of the series. As said episode is mid way through season one, its a pretty impressive display of my ineptitude.
And theres no red liquorice left. must buy more.
... well... i have tidying to avoid doing... and clothes to not get around to picking out for tomorrow... and baking to do... and red liquorice to buy...
Tuesday, 28 October 2008
Lost - but you found me!
Im lost out here, arent we all?
Im wondering if red liquorice makes a good straw through which to drink coffee... it worked with beer, though not entirely.
Im wondering if my tshirt is really stuck to the tattoos still raw up my spine.
Im wondering if going to bed now will make tomorrow come any quicker.
Im wondering why tapping your third eye is supposed to help relieve stress - when poking either of the other ones is far from relaxing.
Im wondering why I am doing this.
Im eating more red liquorice while I try to work all this out.
It seems Im more wondering than lost. Lost in wonderment. I kinda like that.
Im wondering if red liquorice makes a good straw through which to drink coffee... it worked with beer, though not entirely.
Im wondering if my tshirt is really stuck to the tattoos still raw up my spine.
Im wondering if going to bed now will make tomorrow come any quicker.
Im wondering why tapping your third eye is supposed to help relieve stress - when poking either of the other ones is far from relaxing.
Im wondering why I am doing this.
Im eating more red liquorice while I try to work all this out.
It seems Im more wondering than lost. Lost in wonderment. I kinda like that.
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