Sunday, 9 October 2011
Monday, 5 September 2011
Just a picture
Nice eh? In another world, this is me and my friend Domino. Oddly and unusually, here I'm in white. Just a picture I was working on today. *Dizzy now*
Wednesday, 24 August 2011
Today I read a bit about Isadora Duncan.
Blame the BBC website, they had a quote from her as her quote of the day, something about how when her mother was pregnant with her she badly affected what she could eat, limiting her to only fine champagne and ice chilled oysters...
That kinda thing gets my attention - so off I clicked to Wikipedia, yeah yeah I know.
Still the woman had a LIFE.
eesh.
And a death.
Wowza.
Not a way to go. Or an ideal way to go. Not sure I can decide on that.
Still, I advise finding out more about this woman and her life. She seems interesting in a Bohemian tradgedy type way.
Anyway, while I was on there, theres a quote. Yup, another one, which is sticking with me. I like it. In a letter to her assumed or confirmed (its late and I cant be bothered to fact check - Wikipedia is now showing up in all different colours and its freaking me out) lover the poet Mercedes de Acosta wrote..
" persuade my thirsty soul to drink "
I like it a lot. Especially in the context she means. Reeeeed eeeeeet!
Blame the BBC website, they had a quote from her as her quote of the day, something about how when her mother was pregnant with her she badly affected what she could eat, limiting her to only fine champagne and ice chilled oysters...
That kinda thing gets my attention - so off I clicked to Wikipedia, yeah yeah I know.
Still the woman had a LIFE.
eesh.
And a death.
Wowza.
Not a way to go. Or an ideal way to go. Not sure I can decide on that.
Still, I advise finding out more about this woman and her life. She seems interesting in a Bohemian tradgedy type way.
Anyway, while I was on there, theres a quote. Yup, another one, which is sticking with me. I like it. In a letter to her assumed or confirmed (its late and I cant be bothered to fact check - Wikipedia is now showing up in all different colours and its freaking me out) lover the poet Mercedes de Acosta wrote..
" persuade my thirsty soul to drink "
I like it a lot. Especially in the context she means. Reeeeed eeeeeet!
Monday, 15 August 2011
Wednesday, 10 August 2011
Inside the Actor's Studio
10 Questions...
1. What is your favorite word?
Gobbledegook
2. What is your least favorite word?
Moist
3. What turns you on?
Intellect
4. What turns you off?
Stupidity (shockingly enough)
5. What sound do you love?
The 'crump' when you walk on snow
6. What sound do you hate?
Vomiting
7. What is your favorite curse word?
Oh... wow. Erm... I say 'Fucksake' a lot...
8. What profession other than yours would you like to attempt?
Tattooist
9. What profession would you not like to do?
One of those guys who scrapes fat deposits out of sewers. Ew. Well done them for doing it.
10. If heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the pearly gates?
Fancy a coffee?
Monday, 30 May 2011
Wardrobe Saga - part 3
Nearing the finish now!
Course, you have to take a sneaky peak to see what it will look like when it is done.. But, there's still work to do! No shelves to be seen in there yet - here we go...
Now. This... hurt the head to work out. One of the four shelves was always going to be just a spreader at the top, upside down so it looked good to eye level, to take the cords tied around the unusual front to back hanging rail the wardrobe had. This is what we came up with for the shelves after all other ideas failed. Double lengths of cord lashed around the rail, run to each corner of the spreader shelf, and from there down, so there would be no messing about trying to put things on a top shelf hampered by diagonal cords.
So this all looks a bit Heath Robinson - but I like that. After many different attempts at getting the top spreader shelf high enough, and level enough, with a good deal of grumping on my part (i do like it when things just work how I planned them) and a lot of knot untying and putting up with grumpiness on Duckos part, we got it done. Threading the cord through the holes drilled in each shelf and knotting them never gave a consistantly flat shelf, so, they were looped through, tightened and raised slowly, then tied off. As the spirit level shows - its FLAT bebbeh!
There wasn't going to be enough cord to wrap around each shelf, so one cord wrapped, the other ran straight through before being knotted, then on the next shelf down, the cords swapped, so the one that had gone straight through wrapped around the next, giving enough cord, and keeping the strands the same length. Soon enough, with much congratulation to Ducko - we had three level hanging shelves!
Sad to say, the local DIY store going out of business meant we got some nice handles we could afford. This is also a nice shot of just how rockin the gluing was around the lock on the door. Nope, we don't have a key for it, but it looks good!
Doors screwed back on, looking all nice and shiny white against the rather magical and lucky chinese interior. You can also see the attention to detail of the map covering the side of the door as well as the front. No messin.
In situ, ready for the grand finale.
Yes... the shelves really work!
TADA!!! Only took a few months... and the cost of more than buying a new cheap wardrobe... But, it's unique, with memories built in, and I love it.
Course, you have to take a sneaky peak to see what it will look like when it is done.. But, there's still work to do! No shelves to be seen in there yet - here we go...
Now. This... hurt the head to work out. One of the four shelves was always going to be just a spreader at the top, upside down so it looked good to eye level, to take the cords tied around the unusual front to back hanging rail the wardrobe had. This is what we came up with for the shelves after all other ideas failed. Double lengths of cord lashed around the rail, run to each corner of the spreader shelf, and from there down, so there would be no messing about trying to put things on a top shelf hampered by diagonal cords.
So this all looks a bit Heath Robinson - but I like that. After many different attempts at getting the top spreader shelf high enough, and level enough, with a good deal of grumping on my part (i do like it when things just work how I planned them) and a lot of knot untying and putting up with grumpiness on Duckos part, we got it done. Threading the cord through the holes drilled in each shelf and knotting them never gave a consistantly flat shelf, so, they were looped through, tightened and raised slowly, then tied off. As the spirit level shows - its FLAT bebbeh!
There wasn't going to be enough cord to wrap around each shelf, so one cord wrapped, the other ran straight through before being knotted, then on the next shelf down, the cords swapped, so the one that had gone straight through wrapped around the next, giving enough cord, and keeping the strands the same length. Soon enough, with much congratulation to Ducko - we had three level hanging shelves!
Sad to say, the local DIY store going out of business meant we got some nice handles we could afford. This is also a nice shot of just how rockin the gluing was around the lock on the door. Nope, we don't have a key for it, but it looks good!
Doors screwed back on, looking all nice and shiny white against the rather magical and lucky chinese interior. You can also see the attention to detail of the map covering the side of the door as well as the front. No messin.
In situ, ready for the grand finale.
Yes... the shelves really work!
TADA!!! Only took a few months... and the cost of more than buying a new cheap wardrobe... But, it's unique, with memories built in, and I love it.
Wardobe Saga - Part 2
So... the insides are done. Time to do a bit of work on the shelves. This is turning from a wardrobe into a cupboard really, as we need the space for storage of stuff more than clothes. So, shelves had to happen. As earlier experiments showed, this was not going to be easy. Still, the old brain does like a challenge, even if it's pretty masochistic. Hanging shelves. The way forward. Just not great if you happen to get dizzy from seeing things swinging. I'm not nice to myself, but the idea was a good un. Now, just to make them.
So, with some kiln dried timber, bought to make the frame that didn't happen and the shelves that did, and some fancy measuring involving folded bits of paper - I'm SO high tech its frightening - we had the basis of a shelf. Three more and a lot of drilling that scared the catface, and a long wait while the glue dried.
Here we have the shelves taking shape. Ducko cut more of the hardboard to size, and we glued it onto the timber frames, and voila - shelves.
Next - the shelves got the same treatment with the cut up envelopes, covering the tops that can be seen, and the front - we were having to be careful with the envelopes by this stage. At the finish we only had the front picture side of one left. So regardless of maths, the fuckit that'll do attitude actually worked out for once!
Now attention was turned to the outside of the 'drobe. There had always been a plan in mind - something quite different, yet similar in process at least - to the insides. First step was to paint the doors white. You can see here there are weird yellowy stains coming through the paint from the wood. Turns out it might have been better not to have taken the varnish off after all, as the seepage was coming through from the wood. The doors got a coat of paint, then a layer of sprayed on lacquer, then another coat of white. Sadly even this was not enough to keep the yellow from coming through as I will point out later - I'm a bit of a perfectionist at times, but the adds character argument can work equally well.
The idea originally had been to cover the entire outside with what will be covering parts of it... it just wasn't going to work. The frame of the 'drobe has some lovely features, one of which is the grooved sides to the outer edges that frame the doors. This, had the original idea been followed, would have lost a lot of what it is to look at, as well as making the whole thing not quite work size wise. I know, I know.. but all will become clear soon. For now, the outsides all got the same coatings of white and lacquer as the doors.
At this stage - it all looked quite Christmassy to me. Like an oriental Santa's cupboard. here you can just about see the grooves on the front panels.
Now for the real mindbending fun to begin. The outside of the 'drobe is to be all Ordnance Survey maps. Maps of the area. The map which covers Newcastle - where I live - and Consett - where Ducko resides - is all one map. We got four in all to cover the thing. Now... to fit both my street and Duckos onto one door, meant that Consett - further south - would be at the bottom near the left hand edge of the door, while my bit of Newcastle was mid door height and bang on the right hand side of the door if we had Consett just up against the left. So the maps had to be cut to fit, some on the door, some for the side, some for the other door.
After a bit of an accident with the first door - the section covering where we both live - it was clear that the maps had to be cut into smaller sections, or sticking them on without them twisting and going wrong was nigh on impossible. Here's the left hand door in progress. Yes.. it looks very wrinkly. It isn't all that bad once dried. Too much smoothing and the map tears, so it all had to be done with a lot of care. No matter how flat it went on, it wrinkled. Thankfully, its mostly dried flat.
Left hand door again - you can see from the shiny patches to the left hand side of the pic, that the sections glued on got smaller and smaller. Not for ease - oh no - lining up all those edges so the roads met and houses weren't split wasnt easy. Nope. This was the very tricky bit. Of the four maps bought - they are all of the area. Newcastle Consett on one, then to the left of that, Haltwhistle and Hexham. Above those two, in turn, are the Alnwick, and Kielder maps. Here lies the problem. Newcastle is on the coast. To the north, obviously the coast continues, but it moves westwards, so the Alnwick map itself is inset to the Newcastle one by a good way. This meant that the four didn't just line up - but were staggered. So here on the left door, you have at the base - Haltwhistle and Hexham, but above, a combination of both Alnwick and Kielder! Mindboggling.
Left hand door done. Once the stuck downness was dried - it got a coat of pva and water mix to help seal the paper.
Next, the sides of the 'drobe. Here, you can see much more clearly, what I was trying to explain above. On the left of the picture, is the right hand side of the Newcastle/Consett map. Above - to the right in this picture, is the Alnwick map. The Alnwick map ends - and so has the white paper with the map's key, while the Newcastle map - with more land to the east - continues.
Here's gluing the left hand side of the 'drobe. Now, I love Kielder. Many happy memories there - but to continue on from the left hand door - would mean it wouldn't be on the 'drobe. Not having that. So, just a bit more jiggerypokery with the maps, and it fit on, though with a section of countryside now missing. The bottom of this side shows the same as on the right - the bottom maps - set further to the east than the top - run out on the left, so a gap is there, but is filled again with the map's key before we are done.
So, with some kiln dried timber, bought to make the frame that didn't happen and the shelves that did, and some fancy measuring involving folded bits of paper - I'm SO high tech its frightening - we had the basis of a shelf. Three more and a lot of drilling that scared the catface, and a long wait while the glue dried.
Here we have the shelves taking shape. Ducko cut more of the hardboard to size, and we glued it onto the timber frames, and voila - shelves.
Next - the shelves got the same treatment with the cut up envelopes, covering the tops that can be seen, and the front - we were having to be careful with the envelopes by this stage. At the finish we only had the front picture side of one left. So regardless of maths, the fuckit that'll do attitude actually worked out for once!
Now attention was turned to the outside of the 'drobe. There had always been a plan in mind - something quite different, yet similar in process at least - to the insides. First step was to paint the doors white. You can see here there are weird yellowy stains coming through the paint from the wood. Turns out it might have been better not to have taken the varnish off after all, as the seepage was coming through from the wood. The doors got a coat of paint, then a layer of sprayed on lacquer, then another coat of white. Sadly even this was not enough to keep the yellow from coming through as I will point out later - I'm a bit of a perfectionist at times, but the adds character argument can work equally well.
The idea originally had been to cover the entire outside with what will be covering parts of it... it just wasn't going to work. The frame of the 'drobe has some lovely features, one of which is the grooved sides to the outer edges that frame the doors. This, had the original idea been followed, would have lost a lot of what it is to look at, as well as making the whole thing not quite work size wise. I know, I know.. but all will become clear soon. For now, the outsides all got the same coatings of white and lacquer as the doors.
At this stage - it all looked quite Christmassy to me. Like an oriental Santa's cupboard. here you can just about see the grooves on the front panels.
Now for the real mindbending fun to begin. The outside of the 'drobe is to be all Ordnance Survey maps. Maps of the area. The map which covers Newcastle - where I live - and Consett - where Ducko resides - is all one map. We got four in all to cover the thing. Now... to fit both my street and Duckos onto one door, meant that Consett - further south - would be at the bottom near the left hand edge of the door, while my bit of Newcastle was mid door height and bang on the right hand side of the door if we had Consett just up against the left. So the maps had to be cut to fit, some on the door, some for the side, some for the other door.
After a bit of an accident with the first door - the section covering where we both live - it was clear that the maps had to be cut into smaller sections, or sticking them on without them twisting and going wrong was nigh on impossible. Here's the left hand door in progress. Yes.. it looks very wrinkly. It isn't all that bad once dried. Too much smoothing and the map tears, so it all had to be done with a lot of care. No matter how flat it went on, it wrinkled. Thankfully, its mostly dried flat.
Left hand door again - you can see from the shiny patches to the left hand side of the pic, that the sections glued on got smaller and smaller. Not for ease - oh no - lining up all those edges so the roads met and houses weren't split wasnt easy. Nope. This was the very tricky bit. Of the four maps bought - they are all of the area. Newcastle Consett on one, then to the left of that, Haltwhistle and Hexham. Above those two, in turn, are the Alnwick, and Kielder maps. Here lies the problem. Newcastle is on the coast. To the north, obviously the coast continues, but it moves westwards, so the Alnwick map itself is inset to the Newcastle one by a good way. This meant that the four didn't just line up - but were staggered. So here on the left door, you have at the base - Haltwhistle and Hexham, but above, a combination of both Alnwick and Kielder! Mindboggling.
Left hand door done. Once the stuck downness was dried - it got a coat of pva and water mix to help seal the paper.
Next, the sides of the 'drobe. Here, you can see much more clearly, what I was trying to explain above. On the left of the picture, is the right hand side of the Newcastle/Consett map. Above - to the right in this picture, is the Alnwick map. The Alnwick map ends - and so has the white paper with the map's key, while the Newcastle map - with more land to the east - continues.
Here's gluing the left hand side of the 'drobe. Now, I love Kielder. Many happy memories there - but to continue on from the left hand door - would mean it wouldn't be on the 'drobe. Not having that. So, just a bit more jiggerypokery with the maps, and it fit on, though with a section of countryside now missing. The bottom of this side shows the same as on the right - the bottom maps - set further to the east than the top - run out on the left, so a gap is there, but is filled again with the map's key before we are done.
The Wardrobe Saga - part 1
Bear with me... this could take a while.
So, the house came with an old wardrobe in it. Battered and tatty - with a set of old australian encyclopedia in it no less. Question was - can it be used, or do we get rid?
D'uh.
Several ideas came and went - it's carcass was not strong enough to build shelves into, so we had to come up with a different plan.. or seven.
Anyway - here we go.
This is the wardrobe as was - except without it's doors. Foolishly we only thought to start documenting this after we had begun. Ho Hum. So, we took the doors off, and spent a few afternoons sanding the layers of old varnish off them, and the rest of the 'drobe. It's sides are so thin, only veneer really and the back.. well...
It had a big patched up mess of a hole in it. The back of the 'drobe itself was screwed on with a myriad of tiny tiny screws all totally rusted into the wood and which broke apart when we tried to get them out. What to do now? Kick the back out of course...
That... wasn't the best of ideas. No way was it all coming off, and if it did - the whole thing was liable to collapse. So off we went to the massive DIY store to get some hardboard cut to put over the back panel. Course, I managed to do the maths in a hurry so what we got cut didnt fit - too small for the back. But - no fear - Ducko with a saw and a big tube of woodglue and the too small to cover the entire back on the outside fitted nicely onto the inside of the back. Back of the wardrobes gonna be against a wall anyway...
Next came some sums... how much stuff would we need to cover the insides? Whole lotta maths. Of course.. in the end - the - fuckit that'll do - came to the fore - along with costs. There's only so many of the pretty little envelopes I could afford.
Speaking of... here they are. Chinese lucky money envelopes. Most of these are designed for the new year - some for weddings. All for good luck, prosperity, and ever so pretty. Can't see all of them here, but there are five designs as you will see in time. The Koi, the Crystanthemum, The Man, The Oranges and the Phoenix and Dragon. All had to be slit open with the blade of a craft knife, Ducko using the knife, me just one of the blades. We must have looked very dodgy slitting open the little envelopes.
Here, you can see the new backboard - the hammer is there as this was part of an idea that failed - building a new frame into the carcass of the 'drobe to build shelves into. After a lot of hammering - and a massive headache - as hammering, when your head inside a big box that reverbarates.. gets very VERY loud, and was all pointless, as the nails just fell out of the old hard dry timber of the 'drobe's frame, and no amount of instant grab adhesive or nails was gonna help. So.. that idea flew out of the window, and something much more interesting took it's place. More on that later..
For now, we come over all Blue Peter / Art Attack and start glueing the sliced up envelopes to the inside side of the 'drobe. This was all a bit of an experiment - as each new mix of PVA and water was slightly different in consistancy, that and it turned out that despite looking about the same size, the Phoenix and Dragon envelopes were actually a good bit bigger than all the others. some fancy fiddling, and they got their own stripe, with the other four designs going on more or less in sequence. More when Ducko was handing them to me to glue, and less when he went to make the dinner, and I picked up whatever was nearest in the piles.
Here we are a bit further on.. trying to keep all the lines straight, all the glue where it should be, and all the air and glue bubbles pushed out. Though, as hard as we tried, there are still a lot! They crept in when we weren't looking I'm sure.
One side done! Still sticky and wet with glue...
And Dry! In lovely golden afternoon sunlight no less. Yes, here you can see the wrinkles in the envelopes. But, I would argue now that they add character. Anything else and it may as well all have been one sheet of paper.
Here, we have moved on a bit, more than half of the back covered now too, as well as the righthandside on the shelves that you can't really see. The gap at the bottom of the left hand side's there as it took a good deal of thinking about as to how to cover that bit, the wood of the floor there and the base of the sidewall was broken, and the carcass of the 'drobe had to be worked around. We get there - never fear.
See! Here's the built in shelves - they are very bizzare, as they are not attatched to the floor of the wardrobe in any way. All quite flimsy and light, they may have rested on the floor once, but it's bowed over the decades and now they float free. You can't really tell from this photo - but each shelf was covered in a single design - fortuitously there are five! For added luck, one glued on also contains a coin. So the 'drobe, already lucky not to have ended up in a skip, should be luckier still.
Insides... DONE!
So, the house came with an old wardrobe in it. Battered and tatty - with a set of old australian encyclopedia in it no less. Question was - can it be used, or do we get rid?
D'uh.
Several ideas came and went - it's carcass was not strong enough to build shelves into, so we had to come up with a different plan.. or seven.
Anyway - here we go.
This is the wardrobe as was - except without it's doors. Foolishly we only thought to start documenting this after we had begun. Ho Hum. So, we took the doors off, and spent a few afternoons sanding the layers of old varnish off them, and the rest of the 'drobe. It's sides are so thin, only veneer really and the back.. well...
It had a big patched up mess of a hole in it. The back of the 'drobe itself was screwed on with a myriad of tiny tiny screws all totally rusted into the wood and which broke apart when we tried to get them out. What to do now? Kick the back out of course...
That... wasn't the best of ideas. No way was it all coming off, and if it did - the whole thing was liable to collapse. So off we went to the massive DIY store to get some hardboard cut to put over the back panel. Course, I managed to do the maths in a hurry so what we got cut didnt fit - too small for the back. But - no fear - Ducko with a saw and a big tube of woodglue and the too small to cover the entire back on the outside fitted nicely onto the inside of the back. Back of the wardrobes gonna be against a wall anyway...
Next came some sums... how much stuff would we need to cover the insides? Whole lotta maths. Of course.. in the end - the - fuckit that'll do - came to the fore - along with costs. There's only so many of the pretty little envelopes I could afford.
Speaking of... here they are. Chinese lucky money envelopes. Most of these are designed for the new year - some for weddings. All for good luck, prosperity, and ever so pretty. Can't see all of them here, but there are five designs as you will see in time. The Koi, the Crystanthemum, The Man, The Oranges and the Phoenix and Dragon. All had to be slit open with the blade of a craft knife, Ducko using the knife, me just one of the blades. We must have looked very dodgy slitting open the little envelopes.
Here, you can see the new backboard - the hammer is there as this was part of an idea that failed - building a new frame into the carcass of the 'drobe to build shelves into. After a lot of hammering - and a massive headache - as hammering, when your head inside a big box that reverbarates.. gets very VERY loud, and was all pointless, as the nails just fell out of the old hard dry timber of the 'drobe's frame, and no amount of instant grab adhesive or nails was gonna help. So.. that idea flew out of the window, and something much more interesting took it's place. More on that later..
For now, we come over all Blue Peter / Art Attack and start glueing the sliced up envelopes to the inside side of the 'drobe. This was all a bit of an experiment - as each new mix of PVA and water was slightly different in consistancy, that and it turned out that despite looking about the same size, the Phoenix and Dragon envelopes were actually a good bit bigger than all the others. some fancy fiddling, and they got their own stripe, with the other four designs going on more or less in sequence. More when Ducko was handing them to me to glue, and less when he went to make the dinner, and I picked up whatever was nearest in the piles.
Here we are a bit further on.. trying to keep all the lines straight, all the glue where it should be, and all the air and glue bubbles pushed out. Though, as hard as we tried, there are still a lot! They crept in when we weren't looking I'm sure.
One side done! Still sticky and wet with glue...
And Dry! In lovely golden afternoon sunlight no less. Yes, here you can see the wrinkles in the envelopes. But, I would argue now that they add character. Anything else and it may as well all have been one sheet of paper.
Here, we have moved on a bit, more than half of the back covered now too, as well as the righthandside on the shelves that you can't really see. The gap at the bottom of the left hand side's there as it took a good deal of thinking about as to how to cover that bit, the wood of the floor there and the base of the sidewall was broken, and the carcass of the 'drobe had to be worked around. We get there - never fear.
See! Here's the built in shelves - they are very bizzare, as they are not attatched to the floor of the wardrobe in any way. All quite flimsy and light, they may have rested on the floor once, but it's bowed over the decades and now they float free. You can't really tell from this photo - but each shelf was covered in a single design - fortuitously there are five! For added luck, one glued on also contains a coin. So the 'drobe, already lucky not to have ended up in a skip, should be luckier still.
Insides... DONE!Thursday, 26 May 2011
Wednesday, 25 May 2011
sad
Realised tonight that for the second year running I missed my friends birthday.
It shouldnt be a massive shock, as we havent spoken in... a couple of years. But it always is. I work very hard not to think about some things. Two things really. Both hurt too much to go anywhere near - very unhealthy in all liklihood, but you do what you have to to keep breathing.
I dont know what to do about it. Some people say I should let it go, not bother trying anymore. Its not trying too hard to forget a birthday surely. I want to write a letter, but I've run out of things to say.
Is there any point filling someone in on how much you miss them, when they know it because you have told them in every brief communication since you last spoke? Is there any point telling them whats going on in the life they have distanced themselves from?
Do I want to know how she's doing? Whats up in the world of the PhD? How things are in the life I'm not allowed to be part of - to keep someone who hates me happy?
I dont know.
I do know that I still care. Am still hurt. Am still grieving for the loss of someone who is just down the road but may as well be a million miles away.
I'm angry. I understand for the person you love you put up with a lot. You give up a lot. I dont understand giving up truth. Letting lies be believed to create a baddie that people can hate is just toxic. Letting outright lies, and misunderstandings that have been built on to become massive problems stand as fact, and be believed, boggles my mind. That I am the target of them is so unfair I dont know where to start.
Living life that is a lie, having others lives dictated because of lies, is sad, and it is wrong. It won't make them any happier. Though dellusions may make it seem so.
It makes me cry. And.. it makes me sick. It's not something Im allowed to try and put right. I'm not allowed to show the truth, as the lie makes him perversely happy, and she needs him to be happy, so that has to be the end of that.
There. thats an end of that. I wish it was. I wish it was that easy.
Ive had enough of feeling like shit over this. Enough for tonight. Back to trying to not think about it.
It shouldnt be a massive shock, as we havent spoken in... a couple of years. But it always is. I work very hard not to think about some things. Two things really. Both hurt too much to go anywhere near - very unhealthy in all liklihood, but you do what you have to to keep breathing.
I dont know what to do about it. Some people say I should let it go, not bother trying anymore. Its not trying too hard to forget a birthday surely. I want to write a letter, but I've run out of things to say.
Is there any point filling someone in on how much you miss them, when they know it because you have told them in every brief communication since you last spoke? Is there any point telling them whats going on in the life they have distanced themselves from?
Do I want to know how she's doing? Whats up in the world of the PhD? How things are in the life I'm not allowed to be part of - to keep someone who hates me happy?
I dont know.
I do know that I still care. Am still hurt. Am still grieving for the loss of someone who is just down the road but may as well be a million miles away.
I'm angry. I understand for the person you love you put up with a lot. You give up a lot. I dont understand giving up truth. Letting lies be believed to create a baddie that people can hate is just toxic. Letting outright lies, and misunderstandings that have been built on to become massive problems stand as fact, and be believed, boggles my mind. That I am the target of them is so unfair I dont know where to start.
Living life that is a lie, having others lives dictated because of lies, is sad, and it is wrong. It won't make them any happier. Though dellusions may make it seem so.
It makes me cry. And.. it makes me sick. It's not something Im allowed to try and put right. I'm not allowed to show the truth, as the lie makes him perversely happy, and she needs him to be happy, so that has to be the end of that.
There. thats an end of that. I wish it was. I wish it was that easy.
Ive had enough of feeling like shit over this. Enough for tonight. Back to trying to not think about it.
Wednesday, 18 May 2011
Day 10: Favorite foreign film
I'm adding something to this... as, well, you say foreign film, you think foreign language film. Otherwise my favourite foreign film would just be my favourite film... America being foreign to here and all...
so...
Day 10: Favorite foreign *language* film.
If that was supposed to make it easier... it doesnt. Still so many contenders.
Battle Royale for one. My first view of that was me watching it here in the middle of the night when I couldnt sleep, with a friend in a city hundreds of miles away, also unable to sleep, on the other end of the phone, the pair of us giggling about why the evil guy had a pretty pink umbrella.
Run Lola Run is another.. its just an epic film. Nonstop.
But I have to go for...
Les Visiteurs
Jean Reno - always a favourite. Here, in a comedy, not a genre I like him best in, but this really is hilarious. Its split between 1993 and 1193, with a senile old sorcerer calling the people from the past to interact with their 'modern day' descendants. Oh dear.. I've just seen that they've made a sequel. Anyway - its good. Go watch it.. and the others mentioned!
so...
Day 10: Favorite foreign *language* film.
If that was supposed to make it easier... it doesnt. Still so many contenders.
Battle Royale for one. My first view of that was me watching it here in the middle of the night when I couldnt sleep, with a friend in a city hundreds of miles away, also unable to sleep, on the other end of the phone, the pair of us giggling about why the evil guy had a pretty pink umbrella.
Run Lola Run is another.. its just an epic film. Nonstop.
But I have to go for...
Les Visiteurs
Jean Reno - always a favourite. Here, in a comedy, not a genre I like him best in, but this really is hilarious. Its split between 1993 and 1193, with a senile old sorcerer calling the people from the past to interact with their 'modern day' descendants. Oh dear.. I've just seen that they've made a sequel. Anyway - its good. Go watch it.. and the others mentioned!
Friday, 13 May 2011
Day 9: Favorite musical
Musicals are tough... and not just because it took me three attempts to type it correctly there...
See.. I think of Grease as a film film.. rather than a musical.. I always seem to forget theres all that singing in there. Same goes for the film I thought of, and completely forgot about in the process of typing this sentence. Going well eh? Eesh.
Day 9: Favorite musical
Calamity Jane
Yeeha! Yeah, I think of Musicals as films defined by an era. Black and White years are filled with Fred and Ginger... then the technicolor palette exploded all over the screen for Hepburn, Kelley and Day.
I love love loved this film when I was little. I was one of the first, if not THE first thing we ever recorded on VHS. I used to watch it endlessly. Get to the end, hit rewind, and watch it again. Sitting, of course, on the piano stool like it was a horse, singing along all the way. Like many films over the years, I watched it to the point where I could recite all dialogue from start to finish. Scary.
For anyone who hasnt seen this particular gem...
Doris Day plays Calamity Jane, the leather trouser wearing, gun toting, stagecoach driving woman of a wild west becoming increasingly encroached on by civilisation.. and other women. Thinking back now, I can only vaguely remember why she had to go and get 'Adilade Adams' the female star of the musichall from Chicago, and bring her back to Deadwood. Drunken bet probably, although she did drink a lot of Sasparilla...
Anyway - off she goes to get the star, only having a picture of her from a 'cigareet paket' running across the star's maid in her dressingroom, who decides to play along with Calamity's misunderstanding and go with her as Adilade - after some amusment from thinking Calamity was a man.
Of course, it all falls apart.. maid gets stagefright, fraud is exposed... Calamity is blamed. They end up living together, in a technicolor whirl of a timesweep scene they clean and tidy the cabin making it fit for two ladies.
Sadly, Katie - the maid - falls for the soldierboy Calamity has had her heart set on, while the cowboy who really loves Calamity is overlooked by both. Big fallout at the dance. Get outta town or I'll kill ya speech...
Big dressing downs for Calamity... Howard Keel singing his song that I always fast forwarded..(wow remember fast forwarding?) through.
Big make up... and Weddings!
Oh! Take me back to the Blaaaaaack Hills. The Black Hills of Dakota... Where the pines are so high that they kiss the skies above....
See.. I think of Grease as a film film.. rather than a musical.. I always seem to forget theres all that singing in there. Same goes for the film I thought of, and completely forgot about in the process of typing this sentence. Going well eh? Eesh.
Day 9: Favorite musical
Calamity Jane
Yeeha! Yeah, I think of Musicals as films defined by an era. Black and White years are filled with Fred and Ginger... then the technicolor palette exploded all over the screen for Hepburn, Kelley and Day.
I love love loved this film when I was little. I was one of the first, if not THE first thing we ever recorded on VHS. I used to watch it endlessly. Get to the end, hit rewind, and watch it again. Sitting, of course, on the piano stool like it was a horse, singing along all the way. Like many films over the years, I watched it to the point where I could recite all dialogue from start to finish. Scary.
For anyone who hasnt seen this particular gem...
Doris Day plays Calamity Jane, the leather trouser wearing, gun toting, stagecoach driving woman of a wild west becoming increasingly encroached on by civilisation.. and other women. Thinking back now, I can only vaguely remember why she had to go and get 'Adilade Adams' the female star of the musichall from Chicago, and bring her back to Deadwood. Drunken bet probably, although she did drink a lot of Sasparilla...
Anyway - off she goes to get the star, only having a picture of her from a 'cigareet paket' running across the star's maid in her dressingroom, who decides to play along with Calamity's misunderstanding and go with her as Adilade - after some amusment from thinking Calamity was a man.
Of course, it all falls apart.. maid gets stagefright, fraud is exposed... Calamity is blamed. They end up living together, in a technicolor whirl of a timesweep scene they clean and tidy the cabin making it fit for two ladies.
Sadly, Katie - the maid - falls for the soldierboy Calamity has had her heart set on, while the cowboy who really loves Calamity is overlooked by both. Big fallout at the dance. Get outta town or I'll kill ya speech...
Big dressing downs for Calamity... Howard Keel singing his song that I always fast forwarded..(wow remember fast forwarding?) through.
Big make up... and Weddings!
Oh! Take me back to the Blaaaaaack Hills. The Black Hills of Dakota... Where the pines are so high that they kiss the skies above....
Wednesday, 11 May 2011
Day 8: Favorite thriller
Ooooh damn you genre definers!
Favorite thriller *quietly does the dance*
Day of the Jackal
The original of course. It is intensely thrilling! Generally when its been on TV its late at night, Ive invariably been doing other things, or just too tired to pay proper attention - so when now I watch the DVD, I see new things each time.
Of course, its a beautifully shot film, like other films of that time its fantastical in some ways, and utterly realistic in others.
For those who don't know - it's about the assasination of the French President - a group of dissidents hire a hit man, and we follow his story. Its as much an education as a film, an education in ways of doing things all sneaky style, and of course, just how bad an idea it is to try and doublecross a hitman. There is also an excellent sequence showing you how to sight you new sniper rifle through the cunning use of watermelons.
Saying all this I want to watch it again. The star has just that Real Star Quality - leadingman handsome in the way of the old war movie hero of the hour. It is an.. understated film. Everything the epitomy of cool, just the man doing exactly what he was meant to do, knowing everything he does will be exactly spot on.
It's a great film. I would witter on more, but I just realised I have some computer fiddlage to do to try and print some stuff out that I need tomorrow.
Toodles.
Favorite thriller *quietly does the dance*
Day of the Jackal
The original of course. It is intensely thrilling! Generally when its been on TV its late at night, Ive invariably been doing other things, or just too tired to pay proper attention - so when now I watch the DVD, I see new things each time.
Of course, its a beautifully shot film, like other films of that time its fantastical in some ways, and utterly realistic in others.
For those who don't know - it's about the assasination of the French President - a group of dissidents hire a hit man, and we follow his story. Its as much an education as a film, an education in ways of doing things all sneaky style, and of course, just how bad an idea it is to try and doublecross a hitman. There is also an excellent sequence showing you how to sight you new sniper rifle through the cunning use of watermelons.
Saying all this I want to watch it again. The star has just that Real Star Quality - leadingman handsome in the way of the old war movie hero of the hour. It is an.. understated film. Everything the epitomy of cool, just the man doing exactly what he was meant to do, knowing everything he does will be exactly spot on.
It's a great film. I would witter on more, but I just realised I have some computer fiddlage to do to try and print some stuff out that I need tomorrow.
Toodles.
Monday, 9 May 2011
Day 7: Favorite animated feature
Day 7: Favorite animated feature
Second attempt at this today. Earlier I was going on about how hard it is to pick favourites, well not hard to pick favourites plural, but to single things down to one... eesh.
Favorite animated feature
My Neighbour Totoro
Other films came to mind, including Spirited Away, and the Fox and the Hound. Right now though, I'd like a Totoro. Earlier I was thinking about how one film, or one thing, can be the best in one situation, and not be right for another. Today is a Totoro day.
Having a Totoro in the garden right now would be great. I'd cuddle into its furry belly and fall asleep. It would probably wake with a ROOOOOAAAAAWWWWRRRRR and frighten the life out of me, but then there would be giggling. And that would be nice.
It's a more muted tone film than anything by Disney, and seems more dreamlike, and perhaps more realistic because of it.
For anyone not having come across it as a film - its Studio Ghibli - beautiful Anime. Its a film with kids in it - so... arguably a kids film - but viewed as an adult, you get both the adult, and the childlike reaction to the events as they unfold. Your reactions now to a mum in hospital, and what you would have felt as a child. You also get the sadness as it emerges that you can only see the Totoro at a certain age, now long since past.
The crazy beast of the Totoro, its smaller minions, and the CatBus all weave through the human story, making it possible without the adults knowing.
You also get a lesson in the ages of Anime -
1. The small girl. Big head. Big mouth. Short and chubby.
2. The older girl. Head more in proportion. Mouth only big when acting childishly. Longer and leaner.
3. The mother. Proportionate, calm, slender.
4. The crone. Short and round. Big features, eyes and mouth - the return to childhood.
I'll try not to be sad that I can't see the Totoro. It's there. I just cant see it.
Second attempt at this today. Earlier I was going on about how hard it is to pick favourites, well not hard to pick favourites plural, but to single things down to one... eesh.
Favorite animated feature
My Neighbour Totoro
Other films came to mind, including Spirited Away, and the Fox and the Hound. Right now though, I'd like a Totoro. Earlier I was thinking about how one film, or one thing, can be the best in one situation, and not be right for another. Today is a Totoro day.
Having a Totoro in the garden right now would be great. I'd cuddle into its furry belly and fall asleep. It would probably wake with a ROOOOOAAAAAWWWWRRRRR and frighten the life out of me, but then there would be giggling. And that would be nice.
It's a more muted tone film than anything by Disney, and seems more dreamlike, and perhaps more realistic because of it.
For anyone not having come across it as a film - its Studio Ghibli - beautiful Anime. Its a film with kids in it - so... arguably a kids film - but viewed as an adult, you get both the adult, and the childlike reaction to the events as they unfold. Your reactions now to a mum in hospital, and what you would have felt as a child. You also get the sadness as it emerges that you can only see the Totoro at a certain age, now long since past.
The crazy beast of the Totoro, its smaller minions, and the CatBus all weave through the human story, making it possible without the adults knowing.
You also get a lesson in the ages of Anime -
1. The small girl. Big head. Big mouth. Short and chubby.
2. The older girl. Head more in proportion. Mouth only big when acting childishly. Longer and leaner.
3. The mother. Proportionate, calm, slender.
4. The crone. Short and round. Big features, eyes and mouth - the return to childhood.
I'll try not to be sad that I can't see the Totoro. It's there. I just cant see it.
Thursday, 5 May 2011
Day 6: Favorite horror
Day 6: Favorite horror
Favourite horror... do I have one I wonder? You would think I would.. but yet again, I am second, and triple guessing my genre definitions...
hmm
Fuckit. This ones a cracker... if only I could remember the name. Had on while I google...
The Haunting!
Yes.. its a bit rubbishy.. but its also a bit epic. First watched this years and years ago on my own, in the dark, in the middle of the night. At the end, got up to go brush my teeth, in the dark ran into my dad, who had also been watching it, but downstairs. I jumped and yelled. He jumped and yelled. My mam who was asleep woke up and yelled. Excellent.
The film itself is creepy. Definate moments to make you jump. Some beautiful ideas, and some excellent special effects. Liam Neeson is always a draw, and in this - as good as ever.
With all haunted house stories, you have to wonder why the hell they dont just leave. At least in this they try to. You are left wanting them to have tried harder... but, thems the breaks.
I would love to have a water filled corridor with piles of books as steppingstones.
Its not the bloodfilled horror - those, in all honesty, I dont really have much time for. Theres only so many pints of cornsyrup you can see before you get bored, and once you have seen hooks pulling at skin that looks like it came off your xmas stocking tangerine, or wasps crawling all over a bathroom mirror, I dont really need to see it again. I dont want a horror to shock and repulse me. I want it to horrify me.. make me scared to go to bed because of what the bed might turn into, not because there is an escaped nightmare demon hiding under it.
Favourite horror... do I have one I wonder? You would think I would.. but yet again, I am second, and triple guessing my genre definitions...
hmm
Fuckit. This ones a cracker... if only I could remember the name. Had on while I google...
The Haunting!
Yes.. its a bit rubbishy.. but its also a bit epic. First watched this years and years ago on my own, in the dark, in the middle of the night. At the end, got up to go brush my teeth, in the dark ran into my dad, who had also been watching it, but downstairs. I jumped and yelled. He jumped and yelled. My mam who was asleep woke up and yelled. Excellent.
The film itself is creepy. Definate moments to make you jump. Some beautiful ideas, and some excellent special effects. Liam Neeson is always a draw, and in this - as good as ever.
With all haunted house stories, you have to wonder why the hell they dont just leave. At least in this they try to. You are left wanting them to have tried harder... but, thems the breaks.
I would love to have a water filled corridor with piles of books as steppingstones.
Its not the bloodfilled horror - those, in all honesty, I dont really have much time for. Theres only so many pints of cornsyrup you can see before you get bored, and once you have seen hooks pulling at skin that looks like it came off your xmas stocking tangerine, or wasps crawling all over a bathroom mirror, I dont really need to see it again. I dont want a horror to shock and repulse me. I want it to horrify me.. make me scared to go to bed because of what the bed might turn into, not because there is an escaped nightmare demon hiding under it.
Monday, 2 May 2011
Day 5: Favorite action
Day 5: Favorite action
Gah... another tough one. Hrmmm...
First one that came to mind.. Die Hard... but.. not the first.
Die Hard III, DieHard with a Venegeance.
Got pretty much all you could want from an action film.
Bruce Willis in a vest.
Jeremy Irons in a vest.
And I'm pretty sure.. a glimpse of... Samuel L Jackson in a vest.
Its a vest fest!
Theres cars... trucks.. reverse badge number reading.. gold bars.. trains... massive tunnels.. vats of explosive goo.. I could go on.
Of course.. its not the most cerebral of plots. But it is a compelling one. Yet again John Mclaine has buggered things up with wifey... is in a vest and hung over. This time theres an evil puppet master with a grudge.. or is it yet again all about the money? Nah.. its BOTH! One vicious woman with a knife later and theres plenty of the red stuff around to slip on, courtesy of the one dumb guard with a shotgun who really should have let the money go. Not like he was going to get a gold bar on retirement. Smattering of racism, bit of sammich board walking and off we go.. several destinations to reach, a puzzle or two to solve along the way - one of which - the water container one - ranks up there with the talking doors of the labyrinth in its mindbogglingness. The double, the triple, the quadruple cross amps up the - it's ok I can watch this without feeling guilty coz theres a plot - but its just that. Amping up what is already a very watchable film. Car chases. Truck chases. Boat chases?
Yippy Kai Yay MutherFucker!
Gah... another tough one. Hrmmm...
First one that came to mind.. Die Hard... but.. not the first.
Die Hard III, DieHard with a Venegeance.
Got pretty much all you could want from an action film.
Bruce Willis in a vest.
Jeremy Irons in a vest.
And I'm pretty sure.. a glimpse of... Samuel L Jackson in a vest.
Its a vest fest!
Theres cars... trucks.. reverse badge number reading.. gold bars.. trains... massive tunnels.. vats of explosive goo.. I could go on.
Of course.. its not the most cerebral of plots. But it is a compelling one. Yet again John Mclaine has buggered things up with wifey... is in a vest and hung over. This time theres an evil puppet master with a grudge.. or is it yet again all about the money? Nah.. its BOTH! One vicious woman with a knife later and theres plenty of the red stuff around to slip on, courtesy of the one dumb guard with a shotgun who really should have let the money go. Not like he was going to get a gold bar on retirement. Smattering of racism, bit of sammich board walking and off we go.. several destinations to reach, a puzzle or two to solve along the way - one of which - the water container one - ranks up there with the talking doors of the labyrinth in its mindbogglingness. The double, the triple, the quadruple cross amps up the - it's ok I can watch this without feeling guilty coz theres a plot - but its just that. Amping up what is already a very watchable film. Car chases. Truck chases. Boat chases?
Yippy Kai Yay MutherFucker!
Tuesday, 26 April 2011
Day 4: Favorite drama
Day 4: Favorite drama
hrmm....
Difficult.
What the hell is drama, compared to anything else.... hrmmm....
Drama.... Drama... Drama.. Drama.
Perfume.
Thats nice and Drama..y. It's got Alan Rickman in too!
Its the adaptation of the book, and its a pretty good adaptation really. Not a lot in it that makes your teeth itch with what they have left out / changed - for that you can watch the latest Harry Potter.
Beautifully shot, some amazing effects, not something to be expected in a film like this, but the crumple of a particular building is spot on. The exploration of the intricacies of the main character are dulled from the book, but its a hard thing to get across in film I suppose, especially when the narrator is external.
The films kinda special to me for two reasons.
My friend leant me the book. I still have it, but no longer have the friend. Bittersweet. More Bitter than sweet.
I tried to watch the film so many times the summer before last. Back when I was working in the library, I would borrow it each weekend, and invariably, fall asleep, exhausted and dizzy before the end. Poor Ducko has seen the film a lot. When I eventually got to see the end. It was just right. Not altered, not made Hollywood happy, just the right happy for the character it fit.
It should suit you if you like a bit of humanity, wrapped up in beautiful surroundings, with an orgy thrown in to boot.
Love it.
hrmm....
Difficult.
What the hell is drama, compared to anything else.... hrmmm....
Drama.... Drama... Drama.. Drama.
Perfume.
Thats nice and Drama..y. It's got Alan Rickman in too!
Its the adaptation of the book, and its a pretty good adaptation really. Not a lot in it that makes your teeth itch with what they have left out / changed - for that you can watch the latest Harry Potter.
Beautifully shot, some amazing effects, not something to be expected in a film like this, but the crumple of a particular building is spot on. The exploration of the intricacies of the main character are dulled from the book, but its a hard thing to get across in film I suppose, especially when the narrator is external.
The films kinda special to me for two reasons.
My friend leant me the book. I still have it, but no longer have the friend. Bittersweet. More Bitter than sweet.
I tried to watch the film so many times the summer before last. Back when I was working in the library, I would borrow it each weekend, and invariably, fall asleep, exhausted and dizzy before the end. Poor Ducko has seen the film a lot. When I eventually got to see the end. It was just right. Not altered, not made Hollywood happy, just the right happy for the character it fit.
It should suit you if you like a bit of humanity, wrapped up in beautiful surroundings, with an orgy thrown in to boot.
Love it.
Monday, 25 April 2011
Day 3: Favorite comedy
Day 3: Favorite comedy
DOGMA!!!
wow... on Easter.. well, monday now.
Another I am unlikely ever to watch again.. heh... this list is really REALLY opening up just how messed up I am!
Still, the film, is so funny, you may need to pack spare clothes.
Any film with Alan Rickman is worth a watch, in this, he is The Voice... and as such can neither imbibe alcohol, or have genetalia.
It also has the BEST, most realistic scene ever, a glimpse into the true and natural reaction any stoner who likes to think they are wise in the way of the world would have, when confronted with fallen angels having their wings ripped off and Alanis Morisette as GOD shrieking so that everyone arounds head explodes.
Truly excellent. Who wouldnt want to get to know the Buddy Christ, eat at Moobys, or carve a Voodoo figure out of an onion, or watch Salma in her pink bra lolita dance.
Oh, and Silent Bob speaks.
Rockin.
DOGMA!!!
wow... on Easter.. well, monday now.
Another I am unlikely ever to watch again.. heh... this list is really REALLY opening up just how messed up I am!
Still, the film, is so funny, you may need to pack spare clothes.
Any film with Alan Rickman is worth a watch, in this, he is The Voice... and as such can neither imbibe alcohol, or have genetalia.
It also has the BEST, most realistic scene ever, a glimpse into the true and natural reaction any stoner who likes to think they are wise in the way of the world would have, when confronted with fallen angels having their wings ripped off and Alanis Morisette as GOD shrieking so that everyone arounds head explodes.
Truly excellent. Who wouldnt want to get to know the Buddy Christ, eat at Moobys, or carve a Voodoo figure out of an onion, or watch Salma in her pink bra lolita dance.
Oh, and Silent Bob speaks.
Rockin.
Thursday, 21 April 2011
Day 2: Least favorite film
Day 2: Least favorite film
Hrmm... well this is tough. Because, well if you have a least favourite film.. why on earth would you watch it? For this reason, I will have to go with one that was inflicted on me last Christmas I think it was.
Mamma Mia.
Dont get me wrong, I love Abba. yeah I said it. But the film.. oh the film... is enough to make you wish your nails were made of something stronger so you could actually peel your skin off to distract you. Not to besmirch what to many must be a great fun enjoyable film. Its just not for me. For songs that have meaning to be made trite by a flimsy love story, played out by people you just cant believe in is a shame.
I'm adding on another 2001 a Space whatever. Awful. Dull Dull Dull, with such a violently awful ambient soundtrack it made my head hurt till I cried. Yuck.
Hrmm... well this is tough. Because, well if you have a least favourite film.. why on earth would you watch it? For this reason, I will have to go with one that was inflicted on me last Christmas I think it was.
Mamma Mia.
Dont get me wrong, I love Abba. yeah I said it. But the film.. oh the film... is enough to make you wish your nails were made of something stronger so you could actually peel your skin off to distract you. Not to besmirch what to many must be a great fun enjoyable film. Its just not for me. For songs that have meaning to be made trite by a flimsy love story, played out by people you just cant believe in is a shame.
I'm adding on another 2001 a Space whatever. Awful. Dull Dull Dull, with such a violently awful ambient soundtrack it made my head hurt till I cried. Yuck.
Wednesday, 20 April 2011
Day 1: Favorite film
Obviously this isnt going to be the 30 day movie challenge in 30 days.. we all know Im far from that organised and disciplined.
But anyway.. here goes.
Day 1: Favorite film
My favourite film, is The Crow.
I watched this with friends on what still stands as my best birthday ever. many Many.. oh crikey... disturbingly many birthdays ago.. shit... 10? really? yikes. Well, there was a reuniting with a friend.. one who again is unable to be in my life.. for too long a time now for me to bear to think about.. but this post is about the film. The film is amazing.. I love it, and it may always be my favourite film. It will stay that way because I can't watch it. Memories that make me want to not be here well up like toxic burning tar layered with petrol in my chest the milisecond I let myself think about why I can't watch it. So I will try very hard to get away from that again now.. Back to the times I can stand to remember. The film is beautiful, a totaly fantasy for the twisted darkness. The soundtrack is amazing.. Brandon Lee... so beautiful, and the film was his last. Taking his life. Top Dollar. My ideal villan. The voice of silk on gravel. Blood on shattered glass.
The film is a delight. Its sequels... despite one having Iggy Pop.. dont cut it. The more numbers, or words added to the title, the less it means. Don't watch them. Pour yourself a glass of red wine, keep the bottle handy.. Keep your Gun on the coffee table... turn off the lights.. and watch this.
But anyway.. here goes.
Day 1: Favorite film
My favourite film, is The Crow.
I watched this with friends on what still stands as my best birthday ever. many Many.. oh crikey... disturbingly many birthdays ago.. shit... 10? really? yikes. Well, there was a reuniting with a friend.. one who again is unable to be in my life.. for too long a time now for me to bear to think about.. but this post is about the film. The film is amazing.. I love it, and it may always be my favourite film. It will stay that way because I can't watch it. Memories that make me want to not be here well up like toxic burning tar layered with petrol in my chest the milisecond I let myself think about why I can't watch it. So I will try very hard to get away from that again now.. Back to the times I can stand to remember. The film is beautiful, a totaly fantasy for the twisted darkness. The soundtrack is amazing.. Brandon Lee... so beautiful, and the film was his last. Taking his life. Top Dollar. My ideal villan. The voice of silk on gravel. Blood on shattered glass.
The film is a delight. Its sequels... despite one having Iggy Pop.. dont cut it. The more numbers, or words added to the title, the less it means. Don't watch them. Pour yourself a glass of red wine, keep the bottle handy.. Keep your Gun on the coffee table... turn off the lights.. and watch this.
Thursday, 24 March 2011
Word of the whatever
new title.. snappy eh?
word of the whatever is....
Heh.
Not the most... throughbred of words. But I use it a lot. Meh too.. which I suppose is almost its antonym. It's a good reaction. Doesn't give too much away, doesn't show all your cards, yet is a good deal better at communicating vocal feelings than a blank stare. A blank stare is hard to pull off through a computer screen.
Ooh.. that reminds me, years before the rick roll there was a fun email that went around stating that new technology made it possible for computer monitors to take an image of whoever was sitting at them, simply from the light levels reflected from their faces. Of course you tried it. You stared at the screen like it told you to. You waited. And waited. Until the picture of a monkey scratching its head in confusion filled the screen. Very funny. But I digress.
The 'Heh' of today was brought on by an event I was not even at. Ducko had a meet and greet with some bookish folk, and one who turned down a story of mine for their publication was there, so he went and poked at it. They actually remembered the story.
Hence my reaction. 'Heh'
Followed up in short order by 'Sure... just like all great fraud psychics KNOW the people you are related to who have passed on.'
But apparently, not the case. They actually did remember it. Still didn't want it... but remembered it. That's something anyway. *tries not to think.. well dictators and mass murderers are remebered but not wanted as well* Damn brain hates me.
word of the whatever is....
Heh.
Not the most... throughbred of words. But I use it a lot. Meh too.. which I suppose is almost its antonym. It's a good reaction. Doesn't give too much away, doesn't show all your cards, yet is a good deal better at communicating vocal feelings than a blank stare. A blank stare is hard to pull off through a computer screen.
Ooh.. that reminds me, years before the rick roll there was a fun email that went around stating that new technology made it possible for computer monitors to take an image of whoever was sitting at them, simply from the light levels reflected from their faces. Of course you tried it. You stared at the screen like it told you to. You waited. And waited. Until the picture of a monkey scratching its head in confusion filled the screen. Very funny. But I digress.
The 'Heh' of today was brought on by an event I was not even at. Ducko had a meet and greet with some bookish folk, and one who turned down a story of mine for their publication was there, so he went and poked at it. They actually remembered the story.
Hence my reaction. 'Heh'
Followed up in short order by 'Sure... just like all great fraud psychics KNOW the people you are related to who have passed on.'
But apparently, not the case. They actually did remember it. Still didn't want it... but remembered it. That's something anyway. *tries not to think.. well dictators and mass murderers are remebered but not wanted as well* Damn brain hates me.
Tuesday, 15 March 2011
Word of the...
Yeah...
Word of the... is
Chalk
I like it. I like it less in captials. But I still like it. Chalk. It's a weird one. Like talk with a different start - obviously - It's nice to say.
Ch.. all.. kuh or even Ch.. awl.. kuh. If you are feeling extravagant. It's not really the extravagant word type.. though it has got distinct middle class paint colour tendancies these days. It's nice to imagine a rather posh teacher saying it. She's posh, but wearing red lipstick and matching nailvarnish. Of course, she makes you bang the dusters.. no euphamism intended.
Chalk's useful.. not the nasty screechy kind on old painted blackboards.
well damn. there goes life interrupting what was going to be a nice reminisce about different kinds of chalk and the effect they have on the back of your neck.
People just arent nice. Ok.. some people.
le sigh.
Word of the... is
Chalk
I like it. I like it less in captials. But I still like it. Chalk. It's a weird one. Like talk with a different start - obviously - It's nice to say.
Ch.. all.. kuh or even Ch.. awl.. kuh. If you are feeling extravagant. It's not really the extravagant word type.. though it has got distinct middle class paint colour tendancies these days. It's nice to imagine a rather posh teacher saying it. She's posh, but wearing red lipstick and matching nailvarnish. Of course, she makes you bang the dusters.. no euphamism intended.
Chalk's useful.. not the nasty screechy kind on old painted blackboards.
well damn. there goes life interrupting what was going to be a nice reminisce about different kinds of chalk and the effect they have on the back of your neck.
People just arent nice. Ok.. some people.
le sigh.
Wednesday, 9 March 2011
Wrods
Yes.. it's spelled wrong up there. Because the word... is...
tired
I have no real business being tired.. aside from the overnight on sunday leading into a reasonably busy yesterday. Today has been lazy, aside from making all those pancakes. Yes, its 12.35 now. But that doesn't usually make much of a difference. I'm at the 'forehead heavy... eyelids achey.. contact lenses drying out' kinda stage. It won't last. Partially because there is so much to do to go to bed. I know there isn't really. I could just turn around and climb into bed. BUT... theres the teeth to clean so the scary dentist is less scary, theres the contacts to take out or they weld to my eyes by morning, theres the whole getting undressed thing because while sleeping in what you have been wearing all day isnt the worst thing in the world.. its not the best either. Theres also the kettle to boil... hot water bottle to empty and fill and the hot oat thing to put in the microwave - yes it is THAT cold here. I can't currently feel anything but numb below my ankles. Oh, and I have to pee. Is that everything? Nope. forgot filling my drink bottle. That and I have just finished a mug of coffee. And no. I couldn't have done all that in the time it took to write it all.
Ok...
Bedtime.
tired
I have no real business being tired.. aside from the overnight on sunday leading into a reasonably busy yesterday. Today has been lazy, aside from making all those pancakes. Yes, its 12.35 now. But that doesn't usually make much of a difference. I'm at the 'forehead heavy... eyelids achey.. contact lenses drying out' kinda stage. It won't last. Partially because there is so much to do to go to bed. I know there isn't really. I could just turn around and climb into bed. BUT... theres the teeth to clean so the scary dentist is less scary, theres the contacts to take out or they weld to my eyes by morning, theres the whole getting undressed thing because while sleeping in what you have been wearing all day isnt the worst thing in the world.. its not the best either. Theres also the kettle to boil... hot water bottle to empty and fill and the hot oat thing to put in the microwave - yes it is THAT cold here. I can't currently feel anything but numb below my ankles. Oh, and I have to pee. Is that everything? Nope. forgot filling my drink bottle. That and I have just finished a mug of coffee. And no. I couldn't have done all that in the time it took to write it all.
Ok...
Bedtime.
Tuesday, 1 March 2011
Perhaps.. word of the week would be more realistic?
I'm rubbish. I know. Meh...
Word of the day/ week is taken from a random flicking through 'The worlds best Tattoo' magazine
Unmarked
In this context.. a bit of an abberation, the whole publication in honour of inked skin at its best - and.. looking at some of the pics... its worst. Perhaps.. its a nice thing to be unmarked. Not sure how possible it is though. Certainly its easy enough to avoid the buzzy fun of the stabby needle - even easier to avoid the needles on sticks tap tap tapping a design.. but I'd guess noone makes it through unmarked. So.. for those who like to wear their hearts on their half or full sleeves, and for those who keep their marks on the inside.. its all the same, just a matter of aesthetics and privacy?
Word of the day/ week is taken from a random flicking through 'The worlds best Tattoo' magazine
Unmarked
In this context.. a bit of an abberation, the whole publication in honour of inked skin at its best - and.. looking at some of the pics... its worst. Perhaps.. its a nice thing to be unmarked. Not sure how possible it is though. Certainly its easy enough to avoid the buzzy fun of the stabby needle - even easier to avoid the needles on sticks tap tap tapping a design.. but I'd guess noone makes it through unmarked. So.. for those who like to wear their hearts on their half or full sleeves, and for those who keep their marks on the inside.. its all the same, just a matter of aesthetics and privacy?
Wednesday, 23 February 2011
Word of the Day
Today brought to you from a random flicking through Stephen Schieber's book Being Normal. And what a doozy. A Hyphenated word for the first Word of the day!
Biddy-Woman
From this I'm guessing something along the lines of the old biddy. The one with the hair in curlers, net ontop to keep the hair thieves out. The pinny on, scrubbing the doorstep. Some 1970's throwback to the 40's when people actually cared that their steps were clean. Before they got bombed. And started talking about the war while paying for food with luncheon vouchers. Somewhere, she'll have one of those plastic strip curtains on a doorway to keep the flies out of the front room that noone ever sits in. Is she lonely? Is she happy? Bet that step's spotless.
Biddy-Woman
From this I'm guessing something along the lines of the old biddy. The one with the hair in curlers, net ontop to keep the hair thieves out. The pinny on, scrubbing the doorstep. Some 1970's throwback to the 40's when people actually cared that their steps were clean. Before they got bombed. And started talking about the war while paying for food with luncheon vouchers. Somewhere, she'll have one of those plastic strip curtains on a doorway to keep the flies out of the front room that noone ever sits in. Is she lonely? Is she happy? Bet that step's spotless.
Monday, 10 January 2011
Snappy Blue Ears... and a gob of phlegm
Yes.. Im delightful.
No new story just yet, the mood hasn't taken me that way in a while, which makes the blog less interesting I know. There were trees to make decorations for, and then to decorate, people to be ill, including me... Ive been pretty gross, and as the doctor said "Quite Rattley". I've learned three somewhat interesting things lately though.
1. You can be suprised when you go to laugh and your lungs decide to fill your mouth with goo.
2. You can wake yourself up choking for air you have been coughing so much in your sleep - which, while unpleasant and a bit terrifying - is better than not waking up
3. I can make a balloon animal Giraffe. And did so while I worked over the passage into the new year. He is called Garibaldi. There may be a picture to follow.
I hope the new year is still happy for you.
No new story just yet, the mood hasn't taken me that way in a while, which makes the blog less interesting I know. There were trees to make decorations for, and then to decorate, people to be ill, including me... Ive been pretty gross, and as the doctor said "Quite Rattley". I've learned three somewhat interesting things lately though.
1. You can be suprised when you go to laugh and your lungs decide to fill your mouth with goo.
2. You can wake yourself up choking for air you have been coughing so much in your sleep - which, while unpleasant and a bit terrifying - is better than not waking up
3. I can make a balloon animal Giraffe. And did so while I worked over the passage into the new year. He is called Garibaldi. There may be a picture to follow.
I hope the new year is still happy for you.
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