When you tell someone something... theres a way you would want them to react.
Right?
Right.
Herein lies the terrible terrifying discovery...
My dad... tells jokes. Bad jokes. They may seem unfeeling. They arent - but to those not in the know, I know, they seem that way.
My mam... gets huggy. Overly huggy, in a mam's true form of I will hug you till it all goes away.
Neither of these ways sits right with me.
The jokes can seem hard - they mask feelings.
but...
I joke with my dad in the crematorium about whether it would be bad form to ask to have the heating turned up.
I shrug off my mam and tell her to leave me be...
but...
sometimes I dont want the hug to end.
Now.. to the revelation.
Neither way sits right... its the combination. The overly huggy with the overly self defensive and barriered. Its the combination thats wanted. Walking up the stairs tonight, with the jokes still echoing and the feel of the hug still warm... Is it me?
I joke, and I hug. So do they both... but more to extremes. Am I the middle way?
Am I what I need?
Fuck.
Thats bloody terrifying.
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3 comments:
I enjoy both your hugs and your jokes. Yes, even the jokes aimed at me... I find them both most useful. And as I think of myself as largely a crap joke sort of person then hopefully between us we can be what you need. I think. That make sense? No. Bugger.
Your tickling on the otherhand...
*wiggles a finger at you...*
would do my head in too.
xx
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