No, Im not the Grinch

Im not. Honest.

I love Christmas - What it actually means rather than the modern secularised - Ill celebrate it and expect presents even though I redicule your beliefs - sort.

Im much more all encompassing in my way - not to say that I have it right and everyone else has it wrong - that would make me as hypocritical as most world religions.

Im happy that people get together and celebrate - If they are of different belief thats fine - Peace to all and I celebrate along with them on their holy days. Ah im rambling coz Im still pissy about a stupid 'news' article that was on the tv yesterday - where a woman was called 'RACIST' for having the outside of her house decorated for Christmas. There was so much wrong with the dullards complaint that it beggars belief. Religion ISNT Race. Nor are Snowmen and Candycanes technically symbols of any religion - never mind any race. Grr.

Theres ongoing tension in the house for some reason. Maybe Im generally pissy coz of the state of things. Still no work - Still people asking WHY I havent been able to find anything yet. Still people asking WHY I dont know what I want to do career wise.

Im dizzy. This does not help my mood. Everyone seems to be stressed with THE SEASON - which should be bollox - as all the tension and stress is self imposed or perceived -

Today we have had the debacle of the tree. I have always put the tree up, sorted the branches, then Mum does the baubles - as explained to Ducko this weekend - I may seem like a bauble fascist - but Iv got nothing on my Mum - Everything has to be symetrical - theres no point trying to help- she will complain and direct and eventually redo it when you arent looking. This has been discovered and learned over many years. I do the set up - the tinsel - she the baubles, then I do the lights. Sorted. For some bloody reason this just isnt seen as right this year. I maintain that my Mum needs to get her hearing checked. After having to repeat everything I say, eventually I get snappish in my repetition. Not right of me I know. I should just shout in the first place - but then I get yelled at for doing that too. Theres no point explaining to my Dad that when he comes to yell at me for apparently being HUFFY with my Mum - that he does the EXACT SAME FKN THING when he has to repeat himself time and time again. There is no point in starting this argument - He doesnt do that, He is convinced - It all becomes my fault again.

It becomes an excuse to have a go at me for all the grievances they have been storing up - I do nothing around the house. My room is always a mess. I contribute nothing. I dont talk to them and whenever I do Im in a huff and make them think its their fault. Im not making enough of an effort to find a job / do something with my life.
I know I sound like a whinging teenager here - I dont do much around the house - nothing infact. Occasionally cook a meal or wash up. My room IS always a mess. Coz thats just the way it is. I need to have another clear out of stuff. I contribute nothing - fair enough - I dont, what have I got to contribute? I dont talk to them. We dont talk in our house - we argue. Mostly goodnaturedly - but arguing nonetheless. Huffiness is brought on by this argumentative nature. I spend little time with them coz theres other stuff Id rather be doing. We dont like to watch the same things on tv etc etc.... ok this is turning into a huge whinge.
I need to be separate - its beyond time.
Il go downstairs and explain - loudly - but not loudly enough to be misconstrued as shouting - that I wasnt huffing when I REPEATED "Theres the tree done". Mum will get it. Dad will sit up in his computer room thinking badly of me. Theres no other way - this is how we work. I love them hugely - Its just spending time with them thats the problem.

Oh and my fone is fkd. It wont send messages. Im going to get coffee. and a Sarnie. And talk to my mum.