Wonders what day it is...

Was just decided it was tuesday. Before the wedensdayness of it all waved hello.

Ive been poking at the best friend thing again.

Realised it had been a number of weeks since the last brief email contact, so responded making clear my by now grim conclusion views. Things wont ever improve if they are left the way they are. Sadly I dont seem to have much of a say in the way things are. As far as Im concerned, going along with someone saying the car down the road is evil doesnt do them any good in the long run.

I may have to give up and move on. Choices that arent mine have been made, which affect my life directly. But poking at it isnt having any positive effects. Its probably making me more miserable.

Seems like Ive lost my best friend.

Shes hopeful things may change in the future. I wish I could say it wouldnt matter. If I were more... adamant. Thats probably safer. Get less hurt that way maybe? Worth living like that? Not sure.

At the moment the best case scenario is, someday things will change and Il be allowed to associate with my best friend again, until the next problem when Im disposable again.

Someday I hope the best friends fiance gets over himself and his own problems and stops blaming how he feels on others. Then maybe they can have a happy life.
At the moment Im too tired of it all - not too tired to care - just too tired of it.