snow
snow snow snow
tis snowing.
theres no food in the house.
So I must go out in the snow.
I was thinking the snow matched my mood. In some ways it does, in others not. Its cold. Im cold. My innards are cold. My outards are cold. My brain feels a bit numb. Im choosing to see this as a good thing. If its numb it wont hurt too much, yes there are the occasional thawings, dribbles of upsetting memories, images, feelings. But im trying to mop those up with the kitchen roll of STOP THINKING ABOUT THAT NOOOOOOOOW!!!
Its odd how the mind works. Mine doesnt always seem to like me. Most of the time it doesnt seem to like me. It seeks comfort in things that will ultimately end painfully. Imagining things differently to how they are only ends in the realisation that they will never end up that way. So I dont let myself. But my mind keeps trying. Stick with the pain you know and all that...
Sorry that this is all so depressing.
Tell you what.
Look out of your window.
Is it snowing there?
Is it pretty?
Does it recall good as well as bad memories?
Remember the good.
Tell the bad to fuck off for a while.
Have a hot drink.
Look at the snow.
And if you see me on the way to the shop to buy food - wave.
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6 comments:
Is this like the book mark? Waving at a nutter? In that case: *waves*
xx
*waves back*
the more it snows (tiddly pom)
the more it goes (tiddly pom)
the more it goes (tiddly pom)
on snowing
and nobody knows (tiddly pom)
how cold my toes (tiddly pom)
how cold my toes (tiddly pom)
are growing.
typed from memory, sorry for any errors.
*waves*
B i loves ya. and your recital of winnie the pooh is excellence itself.
always glad to amuse :) xx
I see my beautiful long garden with grass shrouded in frost. I try to tell the bad memories to fuck off but hey, guess what, the bad memory maker is still alive and even worse, has my email address...oh and has a fuck off shield :( At least I live on a different continent now :) Hope you are feeling better today. ox
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