Yup, its tuesday again.
One week on from the bombshell.
No positive news yet Im sad to say.
Ive suggested meeting up to talk but this has been neatly sidestepped everytime. Il mention it again. This isnt something I can give up on.
Anyway...
Yes last week was busy. Friday was driving from one end of the country to the other for my Cousins wedding. This isnt good for a dizzy person such as myself. Didnt help that I had a stinking cold. (Which is hopefully on its way out today)
Ducko picked me up at about 2pm.
Halfway up the road we realise the directions are back in the house.
Just heading out of town - bad traffic - about 2.45 I realise I have forgotten my black shrug jacket - essential to my outfit as it hides the tattoos from unsuspecting parents. Decide that theres no point going back for it - will find something in a shop before the wedding.
Just past Leeds - approx 2 hours into the journey - realise Ive forgotten the wedding present. Decide that this will be taken as typical of me, and will pass it on at the soonest possible time.
Traffic Jams
Accidents
Bad coffee at rest stops
Expensive crappy food at rest stops
Stinky toilets at rest stops - at this point I'm blessing my snotty nose.
Phonecalls from parents - where are you? Are you nearly here yet? No we dont know where that is. Ah well you will get here eventually. Watch out for the long horned cattle. We will leave the lights on for you.
Cornwall is FAR. Its probably very beautiful. We mostly saw it in the dark.
The directions to the place are my kind of directions. After you have come off the motorway - count over 6 cattle grids, and look out for the house lights. Mind the turn is very sharp. - none of my directions to anywhere contain road names or numbers. Mostly its.. you know that pub? Its near there, turn left at the funny looking wall with the spikey tree by it.
We arrive. Its pitch black. Im dizzy as hell and have been posessed by the bubbly snot monster. My cousin waves us in aeroplane style with a torch. The room is beautiful - the whole complex is an old converted abbey and farm buildings. There is underfloor heating. (We cant work the underfloor heating) Im alternating between falling over, sneezing, being boiling and freezing. The ensuite is superheated to volcanic proportions by the unswitchoffable heated towel rail.
Saturday - Ducko and I giggle at the amusing sign on the toaster telling you it is an attended appliance, which shouldnt be left unattended. We stop giggling as we realise this means our breakfast is very burned as the toaster doesnt automatically pop up. I had no idea they even made such things anymore. A not self popping toaster? WHY??? We giggle again as the burned bits are still tasty and random members of my family are doing odd dances outside the window to amuse us. Lordy knows what the bride's family thought she was marrying into.
We decide to try a local town to get something to hide my tattoos. There is one shop. It has a black shrug in its clearance sale. It is COVERED in large round sequins. Ah well... I can cut those off... it wont take that long. I get grumpy in queues at the best of times. With time short before the wedding, dizziness and a killer headcold - this was not the best of times. Poor Ducko tried to console me and reassure other customers while I muttered with increasing ferocity about my desire to end people who waste time in shops by taking items to the counter - then saying there is a problem... then sending their offspring to find alternative items, rejecting these... searching for others... all while a queue builds up behind them so long that people are joining it incase theres a celebrity signing at the front of it.
we make it out of the shop. Ducko drives while I start cutting off the sequins in a horribly dangerous sharp bladed scissors in a moving vehicle type way. Duckos car is covered in sequins. Our room at the farmhouse is covered in sequins. We cut the last ones off as people are shouting the Bride is nearly ready. We rush.
It was a beautiful wedding. Not standing on ceremony - just perfect for a joining of families. Giggles aplenty, tears from some, cake for all.
Well hopefully cake for all, we had to leave before the cake was cut that evening. Duckos first book signing scheduled for 12pm on the sunday. Back up north.
On the positive side - hes enjoying listening to my beloved Stephen Fry reading Harry Potter.
Id write more, but this is becoming another epic.
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4 comments:
an addition -
we thought we had cleared up the vast majority of the sequins from the room. We did clear up the vast majority of the sequins from the room. Apparently we left the room in a terrible state. It was a WRECK. This I hear from the parents as their greeting as they arrive home. Again Im a disappointment. My cousin - whos wedding it was - apparently had to tidy our room up. There were sequins and some threads we couldnt get out of the rug without a hoover. The rest we had tidied into a bag we had left in the room as it didnt contain a bin. Im cold. Im tired. Again my actions 'JUST ARENT GOOD ENOUGH' and despite putting the oven on 20 minutes ago, it isnt hot enough as I managed to be in too much of a hurry to get away from them downstairs that I hadnt set it to a temperature. You know those days when it would have been better not to have moved from under the duvet?
You are, in no way, a disappointment. You are mint, how. And I giggle happily at your trail of sequins
xx
further updates on the day from the general postcode of hell...
Paypal has paid someone twice back in november. That someone said nothing, and has not yet replied to my questioning mail.
A tshirt company has processed a non-returnable non-refundable order that was never completed - costing me £46 for 2 tshirts I will never wear.
I just got papercuts off a bank statement. I would go to bed now if it was covered in stuff from the foolishly attempted tidying of room.
I'm sorry everyone hasn't suddenly come to their senses :( I still can't believe that's happened.
Cornwall is indeed very far.
Bizarre toasters!
Glad the wedding went well and that you got back safe.
Parents - :(
I know you're past the deadline for queries with paypal, but seeing as it was their mistake it's worth complaining to them.
The t shirt company, if the transaction wasn't completed then it doesn't matter that it was non-refundable. If they refuse to help your credit card company are legally obliged to refund the money.
See you tomorrow honey. Looking forward to it. Was a shame I missed you Sunday but Nik was doing really well.
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