Not that i know if there has been another stuff post.. but there is always stuff.. and here it continues.
Im cold.
I also have a cold. So I am hot. like.. tshirt at this time of year hot - here that is no picnic. Not with the weather like it is. I don't claim to have the flu. People who have the flu can't get out of bed. I just have a cold. But its not a nice cold. its one where your insides are all hot. and your outsides fluctuate between being hot, and being icy. Except for my feet. We have hit the time of year where I no longer feel them, they are so cold.
Wouldnt it be nice if we changed colour with the temperature we are, like those global hypercolour tshirts.. rememeber them? They used to sell them at C&A... ah the memories. I loved their door handles. The tshirts were great. People I saw buying the leggings however, I always doubted their sanity as well as their fashion sense.
I mean changing colour like - a chameleon - they still can right? All the info about why they do and why they dont has got me confused if they do at all.
Ive been thinking about old books today. I even tried to find if they were available online.. with no success. I mean the old hardback ladybird books. Two in particular I loved. The first, The Tinderbox. Second, The Ice Queen. I loved those books. Theres also one about people who are flowers, which was beautiful, but thats about all I remember about it, that and its dark blue aura. There was another. But... being me, Ive forgotten what it was from knowing it well at the start o this paragraph. Oh yus. Imma genius.
Im also now trying to think where my old diary is. I need to prove Ducko wrong about when our anniversary is. Not that I need the book for proof, as his logic about when it is is fatally flawed. but yanno.. Id kinda like to know when it was as well. But looking, other than the general looking around I'm doing now, will involve moving.. and moving things. And my nailvarnish isnt 100% dry yet. Im cold.
Im Tired. Do you think I could take a duvet in to work and noone would mind? Sadly its not dress down day till tomorrow... or I think I might. Ugh. 8 hours of working with a headcold and the rest of my body a shivvering or boiling hot mess. Working till midnight. Thats like, a whole extra day on top of the one thats already here.
Been trying to work out what to take, as theres the funeral tomorow. Need smartness. Need to organise. Need to hunt down and educate designers that you do NOT have pockets ending at the widest part of the leg, as it makes any ass look huge. Mine SERIOUSLY doesnt need that kinda help. Will wear smart black coat I think... Need to find it.. possibly dust or hoover it... Want to see if Primarni has the one that was in the magazine in yet... I did like that. Didnt have it in yesterday when i got up stupidly early before work to go in and look... meaning I got soaked in the rain... humph. Ah well times getting on, gotta sort stuff, bag up the bag, and the bag. put it in the bag. see if the cakes fit... water, drugs, money,drugs,food, drugs.. Im gonna fkn rattle when I walk.
Thursday, 30 September 2010
Tuesday, 21 September 2010
Bad Week
Yes.. both words capitalised. It's been THAT kind of week so far. And it's still only Tuesday.
It started yesterday. Monday. Weeks usually do.
Yesterday was fairly meh... I argued with a few self-righteous arse licking yes men bastards who like to contradict and criticise everything I say. They do this I think because they are aware of what they are and deep down they dont like it and are too cowardly to change coz that would mean losing their position. Thats me being nice about it as well. Its entirely possible that trying to make me look like the bad guy at each occasion just makes them look better to people they agree with. That they are cold heartless bastards. Could be... I digress.
I won't talk much about what happened next. Not my place really. Ducko had some bad news. A death. The loss of a friend. I would have like to have called him my friend too. I helped him reconnect with someone he had 'lovely chats' with once. He's gone. He's missed. I feel awful for my Ducko.
Today... I hear that the one person who a situation with made me want to check out - permenantly - has shown up again. I hope it's a one off. I hope its a fluke. I can't deal with that. I just can't. Thinking about it makes me sick. The skin becomes a shell again, but theres no hiding from whats already inside. I hate that I feel this way. I hate crying about it. I hate Ducko having to see. I'm sorry. The worst case scenario here isn't that I'd lose a lot of money - that matters less than the feeling I would actually ruin myself again. Not to mention my PC.
So, thats the week that was.... and still is. I hope it gets better from here. And hopings not something I do often. hopping... even less often. Id fall over.
It started yesterday. Monday. Weeks usually do.
Yesterday was fairly meh... I argued with a few self-righteous arse licking yes men bastards who like to contradict and criticise everything I say. They do this I think because they are aware of what they are and deep down they dont like it and are too cowardly to change coz that would mean losing their position. Thats me being nice about it as well. Its entirely possible that trying to make me look like the bad guy at each occasion just makes them look better to people they agree with. That they are cold heartless bastards. Could be... I digress.
I won't talk much about what happened next. Not my place really. Ducko had some bad news. A death. The loss of a friend. I would have like to have called him my friend too. I helped him reconnect with someone he had 'lovely chats' with once. He's gone. He's missed. I feel awful for my Ducko.
Today... I hear that the one person who a situation with made me want to check out - permenantly - has shown up again. I hope it's a one off. I hope its a fluke. I can't deal with that. I just can't. Thinking about it makes me sick. The skin becomes a shell again, but theres no hiding from whats already inside. I hate that I feel this way. I hate crying about it. I hate Ducko having to see. I'm sorry. The worst case scenario here isn't that I'd lose a lot of money - that matters less than the feeling I would actually ruin myself again. Not to mention my PC.
So, thats the week that was.... and still is. I hope it gets better from here. And hopings not something I do often. hopping... even less often. Id fall over.
Friday, 17 September 2010
Bloo?
Ok... so this, is the water around the Civic Centre... For some reason, they seem to have put Bloo toilet cleaner in it. Perhaps to clean it? Or just to kill all the birds and bunnies that must drink from there. Perhaps they want teals next year rather than ducks - yes, that was a colouring animals joke. But really... why is the water this colour? Its not like you can tell except at the very edges. It certainly doesnt look healthy. I worry for the creatures that must use it to drink from. I should've looked at the other water nearby, the fountain with the swans, but I was running late. Soon perhaps. Ugh. Silly council. What are you upto now?
Wednesday, 15 September 2010
Friday, 10 September 2010
Banal status updates
No one can hurt you or make you feel inferior without your consent!
Thus sayeth the status update of a friend of mine. Now... I admit, perhaps I am cowardly but not saying what Im going to say here on there. You know where.. that publication of the front of your head. But we arent THAT good friends. So I feel more mean being mean to her, than to closer friends... who know I'm well meaning... if a bit of a grinch today...So...
No one can hurt you or make you feel inferior without your consent!
OhRly? Tell that to victims of Stabbings... Rapes...Abuses... Murders...Dumbass. Oh... sorry.. some people may forget or just not know how much I detest things like this. Well.. thats that cleared up anyway.
Carry on.
Sunday, 5 September 2010
Just for B
Dun't go giving up on me. I'm still here.. just all busied and stuffs.
anyhoo... heres an example of why im apparently like James Joyce - not all me, it's an ongoing convo with another... Il be ***... erm... enjoy?
*** hovers in the darkness.. waiting and watching.. grown weary of the lack of success the messengers had had in drawing you out.. compounding what she sees as your cowardice in not facing her, regardless of what she did to those you call family.. or what she had them do... she had waited.. following your vague instructions as to where you resided.. watching always here or when she was off cutting and burning and terrorising the minds of your friends.. feeding from them, replenishing her strength, waiting for you to emerge.. as you do she smiles in the darkness, lips parting over long lupine fangs as she emerges, keeping to the shadows, floating noiselessly a small distance above the ground.. flexing her fingers her gaze focusses on the back of your head.. all her concentration on you and your surroundings...as tense as an animal in the seconds before running at its prey she growls low.. "The time has come.."
XXXX emerged from his home with a stretch, he had locked himself in his lab with the idea od resolving the riddle of Tonga's dagger once and for all...and with *** on the loose in mental shambles, he felt it was a better use of his time. Someone from the family would deal with the lunatic and save him from wasting his own power on it.
It wasn't long before he set foot out the door that he felt a chill and began scanning the area. He knew the chill had little or nothing to do with the temperature. He thought he heard a low growl nearby and he tensed as he pondered popping back into the lab to grab something useful to stave off any intruder. He mumbled to himself "you still around crazy lady....nobody done locked you up yet?" as he felt the darkness creep over his skin like a foul breeze.
*** floats along behind you, eyes seeming to bore into the back of your head so intense was her gaze... moving between you and the door you had exited, she had no desire to wait further for you to be cooped up in your dwelling... the leather restraints that were all that was left of the straightjacket touched down lightly on the ground as she hovers.. catching your murmur on the still air she mimics your accent.. her knowlegde of you, even in this state, enhanced by what she has been told by those she has power over, those she has hurt to draw you out, those you failed to protect and who now serve her.. "Non mon lâche... aint nobody done locked me up yet... " softly moving up and down through the ait, the leather of the restraints taps lightly on the ground, a sound added to by the drip of blood from her eyes.. "Aint nobody done tried too hard to neither.. guess you just aint so important to them.." her voice never much more than a growl carries the weight of her hatred.. the darkness pooling around her and spreading out towards you, the malice and fury flowing like a wave.. "As they are unimportant to you it seems... as you do nothing to end their suffering..."
XXXX spun around on his heel, as much in hearing the sounds as feeling the intense emotions roll past. He sneered up at her as anger surfaced at the comments "well, I don't rightly expect anyone to worry about me...and I expect others to worry about themselves typically. Must be an independent minded thing" He did actually care about some of his 'family' in this city, but he had severely withdrawn after the episode with his former mate and kept to himself mostly, refusing to get too involved any time soon as the pain still was fading. "But others do care, I figured they might lock you up for your own good at least...instead of leaving you to wander around acting more insane than any Malk or Asylum resident we got in this city right now, eh?". He thought quickly as he stalled for time as part of his mind worked on the possible spells, offensive and defensive he could use, more so that he didn't want to bring down his own home and lab in the process.
*** grins unpleasantly, the coming culmination of her hatred pleasing her now it was at hand... vengeance was something to behold... "Independant minded you are... and thus stand alone before me..." cracking the knuckles of her healed hands she flexes her fingers moving closer.. having waited long enough for this moment not to want it prolonged by many more pleasantries... "Now the time has come for you Mon Cher... to take the gift I have to give you... to open your eyes to all you have not seen... and all you have to learn..."
XXXX leans back as he begins to mumble a defensive charm, unsure of her intent and seeing she has no weapons but unsure of her magical possibilities. He had never seen such total madness in any other than a Malkavian and they were at least a bit moe humorous to deal with. "I don't need any of what you is selling crazy lady" he said trying to back up but bumping int the railing instead, stll hesitating to unleash anything offensive with so many irreplaceable items near the line of potential destruction.
*** drags a hand along the wall as she floats closer, her clawlike nails digging in... scratching the surface with a jarring noise.. the action sharpening the talons as she moves... her voice now a low rumbling growl that seems to reverberate in the air around you as she speaks.. "Don't need... You already bought what you will receive..." she tilts her head to one side, her eyes burning black into yours as she takes in your mumbling, and your backing into the barrier, the look in your eyes.. so close to your home.. close perhaps to things you would protect as you hadn't protected the members of your family... that you arent yet protecting yourself when you had been so eager to pull a gun the last time of meeting... something was holding you back and she knows it.. her anger bubbles just below the surface, the hatred and the need to hurt.. the thirst for vengeance... malice crackles in the air around her, the emotion not something she would ever normally display seeming to take on a physical presence in its potency..."Now comes the time to pay..."
XXXX felt her closing in and let himself fall back over the railing attempting some sort of graceful landing almost 15 feet below. He knew he may beable to escape his property via the dungeon tunnel that he had connecting to the sewers of Tempura Eastside. Or at worst he would have a clear line of sight on her without blasting his own front door dow there.
His backflip was not exactly flawless and he landed on his ass shortly after his feet contacted the ground...the momentum a bit too much to halt. He swore as he fumbled to regain composure trying to get to the hatch in the ground before she could get to him...
*** flows over the railing after you as you tumble backwards, her hands which had been about to raise toward you continue their movement, balancing her form as she moves through the air with purpose, more flight than falling... she was floating to begin with after all.. there was an animalistic hint to her movements, something of the stoop of a bird of prey as she plummeted toward you... a wave of cold darkness that was forming from the hatred exuding from her would hit you before she reached the ground... she had been interrogating your friends.. trying to discover what meant anything to you.. the little she had discovered you were adding to yourself by the flight away from your dwelling.. the desire to protect that was clear.. and would be her first weapon... the darkness that had stilled to stoney statues Leo, Mzzy and others at the slightest touch poured out around you, over you ... the low distant screaming that marked it's coming would resound in the air as she hovered before you.. the darkness pulling at your thoughts like threads, drawing them out to bolster her belief that you care for your current surroundings.. your dwelling... presumably an eternals collection of valubles and true treasures... treasures true to you... flashes of its destruction would start to flicker before your eyes.. faint at first... like a distant screen through smoke that was begining to clear...
XXXX stumbles as he tried to back into the hatch leading down when he felt the wave wash over him. He could hear screams from familiar voices...Leo, Mzzy... he knew she had harmed them, he had heard as much...he hoped staying out of the city would help but it didn't. Now he could hear them screaming in his head...it was very disturbing and he felt helpless at the shrieking in his ears.
He felt vertigo as the visions came next...as it was like someone playing a movie with the wrong audio track to it. It confused his mind terribly and he stumbled, the defensive measures were to keep off physical attacks, the mental attacks caught him off guard. The visions became disturbingly real and he could see his lab, the fire from the oven leaping out and catching other materials into a blaze....the flames licking up the walls making their way towards all the precious tomes...hundreds of years worth of knowledge now in peril. The feeling of his own scream lumping in his throat as he heard the sound of breaking glass in his mind's visions...the display cases with the priceless magical artifacts...he gasped aloud as the visions in his mind caused him to be almost paralyzed and unable to move. This very realistic movie playing in his mind washing out the surrounding reality as the smell of burning antique rosewood from the telescope entered into this nightmare...this private hell being unleashed on his mind.
A small voice from his dealing with the black arts of voodoun was struggling to yell through the clutter... that this was an illusion and to snap out of it...but the evil and the insanity *** was casting off was much stronger than his previous encounters with mental attacks.... his brain struggled against the sounds and the visions as a red tear streaked XXXX's cheek at the losses he was witnessing in his mind.
*** floats around you slowly... the darkness flooding from her seeming to hang in the air, leaving traces that could so easily be mistaken for the smoke she sees in your mind.. the imagined distruction of your most precious posessions... a malevolent grin spreads across her face at this pleasing addition to her plans for you.. you were forming your own punishment to fit what lay in store... as you would soon taste other terrors, it seemed you were coming to understand loss... the removal of all posessions... She lets the darkness continue to pull at your thoughts.. weaving into those it had already connected.. letting your own imaginings do the work for her for now.. moving closer to you, the darkness deepens, the screaming grows louder, the true sound of souls in torment known only to those who have heard such things.. knowing the voices are of those they care for and are having to watch and listen to them suffer... coming to an understanding that nothing can be done.. you can only watch, there is no turning away from the pain blossoming inside your mind...
Reaching out a hand toward you, the leather restraint dangling still from the last remains of the straightjacket, the metal woven between the sheets of its hide giving it weight as it brushes against you.. the skin of her hand as her fingertips brush through the bloody trail on your cheek is rough... old blood of her victims left to dry there as a warning to all comers.. the touch itself is soft.. a deadly caress as she wipes up the blood... a second weapon for her as she moves her hand away... rubbing your blood between her fingers...
anyhoo... heres an example of why im apparently like James Joyce - not all me, it's an ongoing convo with another... Il be ***... erm... enjoy?
*** hovers in the darkness.. waiting and watching.. grown weary of the lack of success the messengers had had in drawing you out.. compounding what she sees as your cowardice in not facing her, regardless of what she did to those you call family.. or what she had them do... she had waited.. following your vague instructions as to where you resided.. watching always here or when she was off cutting and burning and terrorising the minds of your friends.. feeding from them, replenishing her strength, waiting for you to emerge.. as you do she smiles in the darkness, lips parting over long lupine fangs as she emerges, keeping to the shadows, floating noiselessly a small distance above the ground.. flexing her fingers her gaze focusses on the back of your head.. all her concentration on you and your surroundings...as tense as an animal in the seconds before running at its prey she growls low.. "The time has come.."
XXXX emerged from his home with a stretch, he had locked himself in his lab with the idea od resolving the riddle of Tonga's dagger once and for all...and with *** on the loose in mental shambles, he felt it was a better use of his time. Someone from the family would deal with the lunatic and save him from wasting his own power on it.
It wasn't long before he set foot out the door that he felt a chill and began scanning the area. He knew the chill had little or nothing to do with the temperature. He thought he heard a low growl nearby and he tensed as he pondered popping back into the lab to grab something useful to stave off any intruder. He mumbled to himself "you still around crazy lady....nobody done locked you up yet?" as he felt the darkness creep over his skin like a foul breeze.
*** floats along behind you, eyes seeming to bore into the back of your head so intense was her gaze... moving between you and the door you had exited, she had no desire to wait further for you to be cooped up in your dwelling... the leather restraints that were all that was left of the straightjacket touched down lightly on the ground as she hovers.. catching your murmur on the still air she mimics your accent.. her knowlegde of you, even in this state, enhanced by what she has been told by those she has power over, those she has hurt to draw you out, those you failed to protect and who now serve her.. "Non mon lâche... aint nobody done locked me up yet... " softly moving up and down through the ait, the leather of the restraints taps lightly on the ground, a sound added to by the drip of blood from her eyes.. "Aint nobody done tried too hard to neither.. guess you just aint so important to them.." her voice never much more than a growl carries the weight of her hatred.. the darkness pooling around her and spreading out towards you, the malice and fury flowing like a wave.. "As they are unimportant to you it seems... as you do nothing to end their suffering..."
XXXX spun around on his heel, as much in hearing the sounds as feeling the intense emotions roll past. He sneered up at her as anger surfaced at the comments "well, I don't rightly expect anyone to worry about me...and I expect others to worry about themselves typically. Must be an independent minded thing" He did actually care about some of his 'family' in this city, but he had severely withdrawn after the episode with his former mate and kept to himself mostly, refusing to get too involved any time soon as the pain still was fading. "But others do care, I figured they might lock you up for your own good at least...instead of leaving you to wander around acting more insane than any Malk or Asylum resident we got in this city right now, eh?". He thought quickly as he stalled for time as part of his mind worked on the possible spells, offensive and defensive he could use, more so that he didn't want to bring down his own home and lab in the process.
*** grins unpleasantly, the coming culmination of her hatred pleasing her now it was at hand... vengeance was something to behold... "Independant minded you are... and thus stand alone before me..." cracking the knuckles of her healed hands she flexes her fingers moving closer.. having waited long enough for this moment not to want it prolonged by many more pleasantries... "Now the time has come for you Mon Cher... to take the gift I have to give you... to open your eyes to all you have not seen... and all you have to learn..."
XXXX leans back as he begins to mumble a defensive charm, unsure of her intent and seeing she has no weapons but unsure of her magical possibilities. He had never seen such total madness in any other than a Malkavian and they were at least a bit moe humorous to deal with. "I don't need any of what you is selling crazy lady" he said trying to back up but bumping int the railing instead, stll hesitating to unleash anything offensive with so many irreplaceable items near the line of potential destruction.
*** drags a hand along the wall as she floats closer, her clawlike nails digging in... scratching the surface with a jarring noise.. the action sharpening the talons as she moves... her voice now a low rumbling growl that seems to reverberate in the air around you as she speaks.. "Don't need... You already bought what you will receive..." she tilts her head to one side, her eyes burning black into yours as she takes in your mumbling, and your backing into the barrier, the look in your eyes.. so close to your home.. close perhaps to things you would protect as you hadn't protected the members of your family... that you arent yet protecting yourself when you had been so eager to pull a gun the last time of meeting... something was holding you back and she knows it.. her anger bubbles just below the surface, the hatred and the need to hurt.. the thirst for vengeance... malice crackles in the air around her, the emotion not something she would ever normally display seeming to take on a physical presence in its potency..."Now comes the time to pay..."
XXXX felt her closing in and let himself fall back over the railing attempting some sort of graceful landing almost 15 feet below. He knew he may beable to escape his property via the dungeon tunnel that he had connecting to the sewers of Tempura Eastside. Or at worst he would have a clear line of sight on her without blasting his own front door dow there.
His backflip was not exactly flawless and he landed on his ass shortly after his feet contacted the ground...the momentum a bit too much to halt. He swore as he fumbled to regain composure trying to get to the hatch in the ground before she could get to him...
*** flows over the railing after you as you tumble backwards, her hands which had been about to raise toward you continue their movement, balancing her form as she moves through the air with purpose, more flight than falling... she was floating to begin with after all.. there was an animalistic hint to her movements, something of the stoop of a bird of prey as she plummeted toward you... a wave of cold darkness that was forming from the hatred exuding from her would hit you before she reached the ground... she had been interrogating your friends.. trying to discover what meant anything to you.. the little she had discovered you were adding to yourself by the flight away from your dwelling.. the desire to protect that was clear.. and would be her first weapon... the darkness that had stilled to stoney statues Leo, Mzzy and others at the slightest touch poured out around you, over you ... the low distant screaming that marked it's coming would resound in the air as she hovered before you.. the darkness pulling at your thoughts like threads, drawing them out to bolster her belief that you care for your current surroundings.. your dwelling... presumably an eternals collection of valubles and true treasures... treasures true to you... flashes of its destruction would start to flicker before your eyes.. faint at first... like a distant screen through smoke that was begining to clear...
XXXX stumbles as he tried to back into the hatch leading down when he felt the wave wash over him. He could hear screams from familiar voices...Leo, Mzzy... he knew she had harmed them, he had heard as much...he hoped staying out of the city would help but it didn't. Now he could hear them screaming in his head...it was very disturbing and he felt helpless at the shrieking in his ears.
He felt vertigo as the visions came next...as it was like someone playing a movie with the wrong audio track to it. It confused his mind terribly and he stumbled, the defensive measures were to keep off physical attacks, the mental attacks caught him off guard. The visions became disturbingly real and he could see his lab, the fire from the oven leaping out and catching other materials into a blaze....the flames licking up the walls making their way towards all the precious tomes...hundreds of years worth of knowledge now in peril. The feeling of his own scream lumping in his throat as he heard the sound of breaking glass in his mind's visions...the display cases with the priceless magical artifacts...he gasped aloud as the visions in his mind caused him to be almost paralyzed and unable to move. This very realistic movie playing in his mind washing out the surrounding reality as the smell of burning antique rosewood from the telescope entered into this nightmare...this private hell being unleashed on his mind.
A small voice from his dealing with the black arts of voodoun was struggling to yell through the clutter... that this was an illusion and to snap out of it...but the evil and the insanity *** was casting off was much stronger than his previous encounters with mental attacks.... his brain struggled against the sounds and the visions as a red tear streaked XXXX's cheek at the losses he was witnessing in his mind.
*** floats around you slowly... the darkness flooding from her seeming to hang in the air, leaving traces that could so easily be mistaken for the smoke she sees in your mind.. the imagined distruction of your most precious posessions... a malevolent grin spreads across her face at this pleasing addition to her plans for you.. you were forming your own punishment to fit what lay in store... as you would soon taste other terrors, it seemed you were coming to understand loss... the removal of all posessions... She lets the darkness continue to pull at your thoughts.. weaving into those it had already connected.. letting your own imaginings do the work for her for now.. moving closer to you, the darkness deepens, the screaming grows louder, the true sound of souls in torment known only to those who have heard such things.. knowing the voices are of those they care for and are having to watch and listen to them suffer... coming to an understanding that nothing can be done.. you can only watch, there is no turning away from the pain blossoming inside your mind...
Reaching out a hand toward you, the leather restraint dangling still from the last remains of the straightjacket, the metal woven between the sheets of its hide giving it weight as it brushes against you.. the skin of her hand as her fingertips brush through the bloody trail on your cheek is rough... old blood of her victims left to dry there as a warning to all comers.. the touch itself is soft.. a deadly caress as she wipes up the blood... a second weapon for her as she moves her hand away... rubbing your blood between her fingers...
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